ThE PaRt AnD PaRcEl oF mY LiFe

Last post on 2011

2011-12-26T01:57:00.003+08:00

2011 is a terrible year for me. Nothing good actually happened to me this year. NPCC got into some problem and it destroy my reputation. Forcing myself to resign from my post. My family complain i spend too much time working. Major Project got groupmates who do not cooperate.

I am not at lost. I got people from "Siao Bang" and FA. Of course not forgetting my BFFs and good friend who support me when I am down. I do have friends around when I needed them.

Not surprised by anything which is happening around me. everything happen for a reason. I got no new year resolution at all. I think. i actually made a decision few days back and look at things in a different angle.

I will not hope for anything to happen but make things happen. Thanks 2011. giving me so much challenges. I will dye my hair to another colour for the new year.

当我知道你们相爱

2011-11-27T08:13:00.002+08:00

This video include english translation of the song.

[ti:当我知道你们相爱] [ar:何维健]
[00:19.17]还记得我们曾是彼此的回忆
[00:28.41]缺少了我们情侣关系的是你
[00:36.26]没结果的放弃忘不了逃避
[00:40.61]体验过的无数的浮躁爱情
[00:45.21]同意我在街道悄悄语问候你回忆
[00:50.63]发现已不是单身的你~Girl~
[00:55.34]我知道你们相爱
[00:59.38]有了开始有了未来
[01:03.88]在我心里放不下的也该是坏
[01:08.89]收拾好把它掩埋
[01:13.18]但我知道你们相爱
[01:17.78]我的心里泛起许多无奈
[01:22.41]这时候我该有个专注幸福
[01:27.24]我会不停的等待
[01:31.94]等待着未来
[01:41.65]缠密的箱子里一叠叠的回忆
[01:50.50]再好的思念释放以后就忘记
[01:58.32]没结果的放弃忘不了逃避
[02:02.87]体验过的无数浮躁爱情
[02:07.41]某一晚在街道悄悄语问候你回忆
[02:12.93]发现已不在眷念着你
[02:17.38]我知道你们相爱
[02:21.70]有了开始有了未来
[02:26.19]在我心里放不下的也该是坏
[02:31.28]收拾好把它掩埋
[02:35.64]可我知道你们相爱
[02:39.86]我的心里泛起许多无奈
[02:44.65]这时候我该有个专注幸福
[02:49.52]我会不停等待
[02:52.79]等待着未来
[03:10.13]
[03:23.05]某一晚在街道悄悄语问候你回忆
[03:26.11]发现已不在眷念着你
[03:30.44]我知道你们相爱
[03:34.87]有了开始有了未来
[03:39.45]在我心里放不下的也该是坏
[03:44.53]收拾好把它掩埋
[03:48.65]可我知道你们相爱
[03:53.17]我的心里泛起许多无奈
[03:57.73]每一个人都该有个专注幸福
[04:02.63]我会不停等待
[04:05.94]等待着未来

New

2011-11-20T03:01:00.002+08:00

I think promises do not work. I am looking forward to something and something else happen. Not that is unexpected but it happened too fast. I am not ready to accept. I did dream of this coming and I knew it will come but the news wasn't break by you.

Everything is new. Because of this NEW word, I couldn't get to sleep. Many things running in my mind. Like running a marathon. I think my part do not count anymore. I am sure after a few days, I will be okay.

Wishing everyone who have something new, well. How I wish I can spend 28th Dec with someone in mind.

Been awhile...

2011-10-17T23:33:00.004+08:00

This may sound the same but yeah, it really been awhile from my last post. Never try to make myself busy but I am really busy for this while. Kind of like things keep popping up around me for me to handle.

Past months, been going to the airport for a few times. Sending people off. For example, my sister going Canada to work for a month, Sun Wei go back to china for good and Naiden go back after her service in Famous Amos for a year. Sheila also going back soon after a year of service here. Can't say that is sad for them to leave or happy for them to leave. It's like both of the feeling is there. They did a good job in helping us, managing the shop and all. Bringing laughter and fun to the shop. It's a kind of a special memories that will stay forever. I believe, we may not meet again but at least everyone will be remembered.

Before Naiden go back, people who cares actually asked what happen to me and Naiden. I am in no position to say but if she told someone, which mean she trust that person. Is kind of complicated. So I not going to talk about it. Haha!!

Well, feel like I been reminding myself of Stefenie again. Past months,been things about her. For example her birthday, her father's birthday and her mother's birthday. Before her parents birthday, is my birthday. The first time after 8 years in different relationship, celebrating without a girlfriend. I didn't realize till Jessica making fun of me.

Just came back from Genting for a short getaway. This time I went with a calm and relax mind but come back with sorrow feeling. Yeah, reminding of her again. When I get there, I just feel cold due to the weather. Going casino with my parents and trying to get my $5K. Everything started when I saw the hotel room. It remind me of a lot of things that we plan to do. Like going oversea together, having kid that I will train them to be army soldier, your future bedroom and all. Now, I am planning for a trip to Philippines with my colleagues.

Today is my father birthday. I think you have forgotten his birthday. Seriously many things happened. I found myself being immature in taking care of you. Didn't let you have chance to understand me more. Thanks to my pride, principle and discipline action. Was still wondering is it too late that I regarded? My family don't dare to speak of your name in front of me.

Hmmm...times really flies. 1 and a half month more, it will be a year broke up. Karen told me that I should wish her well. Hoping she will get someone better than I. The fact is she is telling me what I am thinking. But nevertheless, to me, whatever meant to happened will happen. I may not be able to forget you but I am slowly adapting to life without you.

By the way, I watched the movie that we wanted to watch on our first broke up. I should have insist on watching the movie. Then, maybe things won't turn out this way. Maybe you should watch it yourself. It is a good movie with good story line. If you don't know which movie, than never mind. It is meant to be a kind of memory to me for the first broke up.

OKAY, been talking too much about her. Come on, life need to carry on. kind of late already. Good night!!

It's me again?

2011-08-19T21:23:00.004+08:00

When I start getting used to be busy, exam and holiday come knocking on me. Been busy with 5 project and all had been done. I got only 2 paper in this semester. NPCC competition coming. Need to plan for training dates. Look up courses in nearby Community Center(CC). Plan on taking up Hip Hop dance class or guitar class or maybe both.

Wanting to try scuba diver. Look up on Deal.com, found out that there is a promotion price and just attend 2 hrs course, can get international certificate for diving.

Few days back, my primary school friend's father pass away due to lungs infection. Finally get to chat with my primary schools friends on themselves. Found out that 2 of them getting marry, 1 become boss and 1 working. MH is going America soon. Due to his job. I didn't know most of them is working. I envy those who work and pay for their own car. I hope I do have the privilege too.

My work place, more and more people leaving. Leaving due to many reason. Contract up, going for further studies and getting sick of the job. I think I am leaving soon. Once I finish my school in Temasek Polytechnic.

I actually got emotional few weeks back and sms jy for comforting. Then, sms her some crazy msg. The feeling is getting bland but things that I worry for is her birthday, her mother birthday and her father birthday. In the end, I come to a conclusion. Best not to meet up of contact each other. May seem stubborn as usual but that will actually helped. Hope you enjoy yourself more.

Earning quite a lot this month. I don't think I going to celebrate my birthday. Going to use the money and sign up courses. Now I am damn broke! haha!!

Brighter Than The Sun

2011-07-17T01:30:00.002+08:00

PLAY THIS SONG WHILE READING THE POSTS, JUST ABOUT TODAY!! THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT!

(Verse 1:)
Saw me on the corner
Swear you hit me like a vision
I, I, I wasn't expectin'
But who am I to tell fate where it's sposed to go?

With it, don't you blink, you might miss it
See we got a right to just
Love it, or leave it, you find it, you keep it
Cuz it ain't everyday you get the chance to say

(Chorus:)
Ooooh this is how it starts
Lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun
Brighter than the sun
Ooooh we could be the start
Just fallin' from the sky
Shining how we want
Brighter than the sun

(Verse 2:)
I've never seen it
I found this love I wanna feed it
You better believe I'm gonna treat it
Better than anything I've ever had cuz you're so damn beautiful

Read it, it's signed and delivered
Let's seal it, boy we go together like
Peanuts and paydays and Marley and reggae
And everybody needs to get a chance to say

(Chorus:)
Ooooh this is how it starts
Lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun
Brighter than the sun

Ooooh we could be the start
Just fallin' from the sky
Shining how we want
Brighter than the sun

(Bridge:)
Everything is like a whiteout
Cuz we shika-shika-shine down
Even when the when the light's out
But I can see you glow

Got my head up in the rafters
Got me happy ever after
Never felt this way before
Ain't felt this way before

Swear you hit me like a vision
I, I, I wasn't expectin'
But who am I to tell fate where it sposed to go?

(Chorus:)
Ooooh this is how it starts
Lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun
Brighter than the sun

Ooooh we could be the start
Just fallin' from the sky
Shining how we want
Brighter than the sun (2x)

Brighter than the sun (2x)

(Ooooh this is how it starts
Lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun
Brighter than the sun
Ooooh we could be the start
Just fallin' from the sky
Shining how we want
Brighter than the sun) (3x)

Just About Today

2011-07-17T00:46:00.003+08:00

Today title is Just About Today. Not going to talk about yesterday or tomorrow. Just going to talk about today. Haha!! kind of weird for me saying all that.

I finally pick up some courage and sms her again. Asking her out for a meal around her birthday. Seriously simply a small treat from me to her. I didn't expect she will call me. When I see her name appearing on my phone, I was shocked at the first sight but then, I was nervous of picking the phone up. It been awhile since I hear her voice. Felt delighted, happy and was smiling all the way today. I even have the patient to teach my colleague new things. She still brighten up my day!!

It was a short conversation. I was trying to act cool but I was smiling all the way in the conversation. She wanted to tell me that she is free and not free during that time. She have project deadline during that time. Some of the things she talk about, I seriously do not understand. I believe is jy giving out information. Came to realize that she read my blog. Was worry and felt sad too.

My mother prepared something for the family today. A new dish. It taste nice. Superciliously good. Most likely is because she called me. Of cause higher percentage is on my mother culinary skills.

The fact is, I am living well now. Still, think of you sometime. About things we done and place we been to. I seldom share my worries to others but temper a lot. I do not speak about myself to anyone. For example, my birthday. Friends that had known me for years should know but new friends, keep asking around for my birthday. They alway try to guess but none of them guess correctly. My manager keep pestering me to re-activate my FaceBook account. I was trying to keep thing thought on suspend for awhile longer but maybe the day will draw nearer soon.

All or Nothing

2011-07-08T00:37:00.003+08:00

Baby, oh yeah, ooh, woah, yeah, oh

There wasn't anything I didn't love about you
You'd do some stupid things and I'd laugh at those too
And we went together like the summer in June
But who'd have known that it'd rain so soon

Thought I'd be the only one that'd make you smile
Thought I'd be the only one that'd really know how
But you showed me different and I know better now
I gotta get you out my system somehow

I replay it over and over again
You were my girl, now we ain't even friends
You could've been my all or nothing, all or nothing
Now to me you're nothing
Girl, you're nothing, now you're nothing

Put you on a pedestal, girl, I held you so high
Was never too good at finding the words to describe
Just how I felt for you but you know that I tried
But somehow we went and changed inside

You damn near were my everything you're still on my mind
But I'd rather be here all alone and I'm doing just fine
Gotta take it back to the days before we met
And live our lives as strangers again

I replay it over and over again
You were my girl, now we ain't even friends
You could've been my all or nothing, all or nothing
Now to me you're nothing
Girl, you're nothing, now you're nothing

I replay it over and over again
You were my girl, now we ain't even friends
You could've been my all or nothing, all or nothing
Now to me you're nothing
Girl, you're nothing, now you're nothing

December days, my summer turned to winter
When you went away, I can't help but wonder
Was he worth my pain?
You should know better and I should've too

And I cried, and you cried and we tried to make it work
Almost died while we tried, is that what our love was worth?
If I could do it again, I would be a better man
Now I'm living with just memories

I replay it over and over again
You were my girl, now we ain't even friends
You could've been my all or nothing, all or nothing
Now to me you're nothing
Girl, you're nothing, now you're nothing

I replay it over and over again
You were my girl, now we ain't even friends
You could've been my all or nothing, all or nothing
Now to me you're nothing
Girl, you're nothing, now you're nothing

Who's that girl

2011-07-05T12:07:00.001+08:00

I was on the mic
Doing my thing on a friday night
Had the floor burning up just right
Everybody was bumping’, the club was jumping
Suddenly, you walked in
That’s when everybody stopped dancing
And I couldn’t stop myself staring
I couldn’t believe, No I couldn’t believe my eyes

I never thought I’d fall in love in a club
But now I seen you girl I can’t get enough
With you I know there’s no taking it slow
So can somebody please let me know

[Chorus]
Tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Just walk walk (walk), walk walk (walk), yeah

Before the night is through
Imma tell ya how I feel about you
And I know I got some work to do
To make you believe that you should be leaving with me

I never thought I’d fall in love in a club
The more I get of you, I can’t get enough
I won’t be letting you leave here alone
So can somebody please let me know

[Chorus]
Tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Just walk walk (walk), walk walk (walk)

(I wanna know) Tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
(Who’s that girl) Tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Just walk walk (walk), walk walk (walk)

[Eve]
E.V.E
I walk in the club it’s over
All them other chicks might as well move over
Wanna know my name then you gotta get closer
Eyes on you too wanna get to know ya
Lemme run it down for ya, I’m not easy
Some say caramel, you can call my evie
Wanna be the man in my life that please me
Gotta warn in, Once ya know me, you need me
Give you whip lash when I glide through the room
Five inch heals, watch how I move
Watch how I shake it to the beat, how I do
Know you wanna feel me, feel me shake it on you, yeah
The night could get crazy
But I gotta hold back, I’m a lady
Well who knows maybe I could be your baby
Be your baby, be your baby

[Guy]
Wo-oh
Wo-oh oh
Wo-oh
Wo-oh

[Chorus]
So, tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Just walk walk (walk) in the club

Tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Tell me who’s that girl
Just walk walk (walk) in the club
Just walk walk (walk) in the club

How Much???

2011-07-05T11:52:00.004+08:00

How much do other know about love? I cannot answer this question myself. To what extend will we do for love?

Few days back, went to have Korean BBQ Buffet at Tanjong Pagar. The food there is ok but the layout and atmosphere is not there. I went with zz, chng, pw and jy. Talk nothing much, and we went for Transformer 3 Movie. I don't really understand the movie but it is not a bad show after all.

Before going for the movie, we went for a snack session at MacDonald. Throughout the day with chng and pw, I saw something from them which I don't. By seeing that, I found out that I love her but didn't give her what she wanted. I was kind of emo during that time. Of cause thinking about her.

Was trying to ask her out but due to my schedule which is damn packed, got to drop the idea and because she have plan already. So I think is better not to mess up her plan. Mine objective is not to ask her out but to get someone to watch Monte Carlo with me. At the same time, I was wondering to myself, can i handle seeing her?

Life is so unpredictable. Nothing can goes as plan. Someone did tell me but I don't wish to mention names. The someone told me, she may not feel like meeting you. haha!! Maybe is true. I did wanted to give her something. My friend told me not to. Cause I am still behind the line where she have already crossover the border of our relationship.

你走天桥我走地下道

2011-06-28T23:43:00.002+08:00

阳光照耀不到你的心像冰冷冷的地窖
把我心燃烧也得不到拥抱
所有争吵让一切的美好停在我的手表
慢慢的消耗消失的每分每秒
把你握牢却捏碎了
真心无法做比较
就算我爱的很霸道
看你走上了天桥我走下了地下道
你和我的爱情就遗落在街角
看你越过分隔岛我转进单行道
一路把过去甩掉忘了曾经说过要一起到老
你说过要一起到老
你的声音我听不到
你的美好我看不到
你的爱情我等不到
所有争吵让一切的美好停在我的手表
慢慢的消耗消失的每分每秒
把你握牢却捏碎了
真心无法做比较
就算我爱的很霸道
看你走上了天桥我走下了地下道
你和我的爱情就遗落在街角
看你越过分隔岛我转进单行道
一路把过去甩掉忘了曾经说过要一起到老
我的眼睛已模糊失焦
在这条曾说过要一起走的幸福大道
看你走上了天桥我走下了地下道
你和我的爱情就遗落在街角
看你越过分隔岛我转进单行道
一路把过去甩掉忘了曾经说过要一起到老

Poem of Love Lost

2011-06-26T14:05:00.002+08:00

You left me wondering around
No longer do I feel safe and sound
Stumbling on your favorite blue shirt
Cant keep in all of this hurt
I loved you so damn much
That now I cry for your touch
That no longer comes my way
No matter how much I beg and pray
Into my bed I crawl alone
Just to smell your colonge
It was a week ago since you said goodbye
But your smell still lingers by
It fills my body with such distress
Turning me into a total mess
You didnt think of what you would do to me
All you wanted was to be free
So me being stupid I opened the door
I let you through and cried even more
I closed it shut and heard you leave
Footstep heading away from me
You say that we werent meant to be
How do you dare say that to me
I hold my broken heart in my hand
Trying to keep it together the best I can
But no matter how much glue I use
I still cry and feel abused
For in this prison called my room
I keep memories of me and you
They haunt me every second of the day
I just wish this pain would go away
I gathered all your things today
Put them in a box and hid them away
But I kept something to make me smile
I found it and took it from the pile
A picture of you holding me
A memory of what we used to be

Universal Studio in Singapore

2011-06-20T21:12:00.011+08:00

Went Universal Studio in Singapore (USS) with peers.

Start of the day, of cause a picture of the ball!!!

Bodyguard of the day.

2 beautiful pose from the ladies.

Castle of Far Far Away.

King's size man in King's seat

ZZ act cool only!! spoilt the picture lo!!

the poncho gang!!

ZZ trying to *BLOW* himself up.

Couple?? HAHA!! No or maybe not yet!!

*Shy*

Haha!! I also dunno what I am doing.

oh.....like model only!!

dunno wat zz plannig to do to me with his tongue out.

2 idiot!!

Majestic Anubis, Ancient Guardian

zz and I tot is a tea cup rided.

last rided of the day. a boring one.

段背山

Extra fireman,with the fat king and the cute witch!!

one of the very few grp picture

night verison of the ball!!

End the day with fireworks

2011-06-16T00:00:00.002+08:00

This week will be damn busy for me. now already getting tire and today is just wednesday. Going Universal Studio of Singapore with peers. Once planed to go with you. hmm....

Suddenly felt, without you around, I feel free. Not saying that you are stopping me or something but....cannot explain. Maybe getting use to singlehood. Still do miss you but nothing can change now. You are once very important to me. Maybe soon, you will get someone better, someone u can read his mind. Maybe, we will never see each other again. Seeing your friends, keep me thinking of you. How are you doing? How are you coping with your studies? Still worry about your pimple? I wonder. Thank you so much!! Love....

说了再见

2011-06-08T13:23:00.001+08:00

Who Says

2011-06-08T13:21:00.000+08:00

Dearest

2011-06-08T13:18:00.001+08:00

Trying

2011-06-05T02:11:00.003+08:00

Today, trying to ask her out for a movie date. Wanted to watch Kung-fu Panda 2. Notice that, she a;ready watch it with her friends. Well, when I found out she watch it already, I turn from sad to terribly sad. It spoilt my mood the whole day. I actually smoke a lot today. Haiz. Life!!

At least, we did ask me for a lunch date but it will be in July. When the school start around July, I will be damn busy. I don't think I will have time for anything. I just want to see you for a whole day. Companying me for a day and the part that I wish you advice birthday because I got no time and may be going oversea during that time.

It been 6 months since break up. I give myself this period of time to cool myself down and start to move on after that. It will be 曾经爱你最深的我，跟你说声再见。Still don't know what I can do, that's why I hope to meet you this month and pass you something. Well, since you are fully pack with program, than I will not spoilt your plans. It just fate to be this way.

Beside talking about this, there is another thing that make me so angry till I scold vulgar language in front of customers. Just because of a colour, orange, the customer actually hang up my phone 3 time. She is damn so rude. I curse her future kid don't have an asshole. I was very angry, I called back the customer and hang up the phone on her and just walk out of the shop and smoke. haha!! Haiz. Think need to sleep.

Thanks for everything my dear love. Will never forget the time we spent, do and play. I regret of letting you go in the first place and regret of not treating you well. 再见以后，在也不会是以前你认识的我。

2011-06-03T02:36:00.000+08:00

2011-05-30T22:25:00.000+08:00

do enjoy this

因为，就是，如此

2011-05-30T21:08:00.002+08:00

因为我们的改变，
改变了周围的事。

就是没有想象，
想象变成事实。

如此的变化，
变化了我们。

王景贤之言语

当你觉得你的伴侣很烦或讨厌，
想想当出是为什么跟他在一起。

Letter to you

2011-05-30T20:28:00.004+08:00

Dear Recipient:

How have you been? I believe is good. Didn't know what happened when you meet jy and Chng. I didn't ask anything of the meeting. Still think I am childish on this. I don't believe you all didn't talk about me. :)

My sister just came back from Italy. She bought me a bag. Didn't dare to ask her to buy anything for you. She is not angry with you, she and my parent did hint me on you, especially my father.

Looked at some of your pictures in Desmond's blog. Not stalking on you, just seeing how have you been. You went back wearing contact lens? Okok!! I think I ask too much. You seen prettier. No chance for me to envy the beauty.

Thinking of you lesser by a day. For me, hmm....yah been good. coping with my studies, friends and my life. Thinking of getting oversea to continue study. Didn't get to think of going oversea when you are with me. Believe you will hate me but now, I think is better for me to go oversea.

Know some of girls in my CDS, Transnational Studies(TNS). Stayed in Temasek Green for a week. Got to cooked for everyone. A lady, secretly take my picture when I eating. 2 lady ask for my number but only give one of them. There is a lady in my class, giving me a feeling of you. The differences is the face and voice. Other than that, everything is the same. Hairstyle, shirt, talking manner, height and the cheeks.

Seen the lyrics I post? Yah, didn't get to play it for you and I don't think you will spend a lot of time listening to radio. So, copy and paste the lyrics on the post.

Friends around me keep asking me to open a new account for Facebook. I rejected their request. Remember you saying that I don't have the patient not using Facebook. Haha!! Not because of that then I don't want to open or re-activate the account. There is still lots of reasons behind it.

Oh, I change my phone to iphone 4. I got myself white iphone4. You?? Think your contract is over too. When are you getting iphone? Kungfu Panda 2 is out. I still remember you say want to watch it together. It's ok if you are going or watched the movie with your friend, I am ok. I think I going to skip that movie if I am not watching with you.

Talk a lot. I don't know you will read anot but I am walking out slowly. Even if it take 5 to 10 years, I am still walking out slowly. Don't worry about me. Please help me wish your parent well. Wish you well too. Love!!

Sincerely,
Jing Xian

What Are Words

2011-05-27T20:32:00.003+08:00

Chris Medina – What Are Words Lyrics

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I’ll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you’ll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don’t mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they’re only for good times
Then they don’t
When it’s love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we’re gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I’m meant to be where I am
And I’m gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I’m gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don’t mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they’re only for good times
Then they don’t
When it’s love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we’re gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I’ll be there
And I’m gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I’m forever keeping my angel close

Wish You Were Here

2011-05-18T22:50:00.002+08:00

AVRIL LAVIGNE - Wish You Were Here lyrics

I can be tough, I can be strong
But with you, it's not like that at all
There's a girl that gives a shit
Behind this wall you just walk through it

And I remember

All those crazy things you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
Right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it, just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

(Chorus)
Damn! Damn! Damn!
What I'd do to have you here, here, here
(I wish you were here)
Damn! Damn! Damn!
What I'd do to have you near, near, near
(I wish you were here)

I love, the way you are
It's who I am, don't have to try hard
We always say, say it like it is
And the truth, is that I really miss

All those crazy things you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
Right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it, just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

(Chorus)
Damn! Damn! Damn!
What I'd do to have you here, here, here
(I wish you were here)
Damn! Damn! Damn!
What I'd do to have you near, near, near
(I wish you were here)

No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I, never wanna let go
Let go oh oh (x2)

(Chorus)
Damn! Damn! Damn!
What I'd do to have you here, here, here
(I wish you were here)
Damn! Damn! Damn!
What I'd do to have you near, near, near
(I wish you were here)

说了再见

2011-05-15T03:53:00.003+08:00

周杰伦 - 说了再见
作词：方文山作曲：周杰伦

天亮了雨下了你走了
清楚了我爱的遗失了
落叶飘在湖面上睡着了

想要放放不掉泪在飘
你看看你看看不到
我假装过去不重要
却发现自己办不到

说了再见才发现再也见不到
我不能就这样失去你的微笑
口红待在桌脚而你我找不到
若角色对调你说好不好

说了再见才发现再也见不到
能不能就这样忍着痛泪不掉
说好陪我到老永恒往哪里找
再次拥抱一分一秒都好

天亮了雨下了你走了
清楚了我爱的遗失了
落叶飘在湖面上睡着了

想要放放不掉泪在飘
你看看你看看不到
我假装过去不重要
却发现自己办不到

说了再见才发现再也见不到
我不能就这样失去你的微笑
口红待在桌脚而你我找不到
若角色对调你说好不好

你的笑你的好脑海里一直在绕
我的手忘不了你手的温度
心碎了一地捡不回从前的心跳　
伤心过去我无力逃跑

说再见才发现再也见不到
能不能就这样忍着痛泪不掉
说好陪我到老永恒往哪里找
再次拥抱一分一秒都好

2011-05-05T00:28:00.003+08:00

Hi, I am back. Back to being myself? Not exactly. Been pushing myself not to think of her. These few days, got a lot of couple surrounding me. How I really wish that you are just right beside me. Saying something sweet that make you smile.

I have this thought of asking you out for a date. Then I remember you said this: "Even if I go out with you, you won't say anything. I must as well stay at home." That's me, uncontrolled feeling.

I called CHNG yesterday. What she say is right. When I got the chance to get you back, I didn't do anything to it. I just let it be. It is the timing that I caught wrongly.

Since my sister wedding, most of my cousin told me this, "贤，你的就是你的。跑不掉的。" Since then, I got the feeling that I will be back with you IF I do something to it. I been thinking, what should I do? I really really afraid I will do something that will make you decide that I am a pest!! How should I phrase it?

Still afraid that you will be someone else. Not that I won't congrat you but I hope I am the only one for you.

Oh, I dye my hair for my sister wedding. You won't have the chance to see it but I will get my sister wedding picture to show it here. Some people say I look like 'Ah Beng'. Hah, who care!!

2011-05-01T00:51:00.002+08:00

I believe u remember that today is my sister's wedding. I feel kinda of drunk!! Today is a day of Q&A. A lot of my cousin ask where are you. I have to break the sad news to them. Talk a lot about you.

There a cousin of mine, ask me what happen and I told her everything. Same reaction as it is, she say is like a drama series. While talking to her, we actually go into detail of it. How would I feel? I get myself hard liquor and talk. I feel drunk before that and I kept drinking. I think you should know, when you are quite drunk, you can't control you emotion. I am surprise I can control it while the tears is about to roll!!

I imagine that how would you feel if you attend the church wedding today. It's so holy and grand. I can imagine that you will feel so jealous and request this and that for our wedding. Holding my arm and leaning on my shoulder. I will try to push you away but you keep grabbing my arm!!

Haiz!! I am really tired!! Really tire!! I hope to get a stick to destress!! miss you darlin!! Believe you won't see this at all!!

2011-04-26T23:36:00.001+08:00

uninstalled, install ie9!! what the hell. I miss you calling me dear!! seriously

2011-04-26T22:16:00.006+08:00

My school just started. I think I am coping with it. Thinking about her? Yah, that's for sure. I been thinking, what should I do when is her birthday? I asked her to ignore me. I told my friends that I won't want to see her anymore. Than, why am I still thinking of her birthday present? hmm....

Thought for a long time, still can't make up my mind. First option, buy a present and keep it. Dont't sms her, don't wish her. Second option, share a present with her brother BUT ask the brother don't tell her is from me. At the same time, don't sms her to wish her happy birthday. Third option, sms her to wish her, buy her a present and ask her out for a date.

The result of my thinking, first option, childish!! Second option, kind of retated. Third option, she will think I still cannot get over her.

True that I still can't get over her but I don't want it to be too obverse and making her worry and sick of me. I am sure, she will share a present or buy a present for me and wish me when my birhtday come. I just don't wish that I will have that kind of emotion again!!

While bathing just now, I told myself that giving myself 3 years to get on with my life. If I still cannot forget her, ask her out by then. Ask if she is attach and ask her to give me another chance. Stupid!! I know!!

2011-04-18T21:12:00.002+08:00

Hi, I can't talk to you from now on. I trying to control myself not to look at your picture. I had never stop thinking of you. You may think I am like a pest to you, interrupting you singlehood life but I think, you will want to hope what is happening within my family. Maybe, you have already stop reading the blog but I will just post the news of my family today.

Today, got a car from steven, wanted to call you and ask if you need someone to send you to school. Suddenly, remembered that you are having study breaks and I remember i choose to ask you to ignore me. So just drive pass your house sadly. Send my brother to work, miss a turn and we end up at Bukit Timah. Try our best to get back to Bugis. Happen to go Orchard, Newton Circus and Novena Square. Luckily, there is no ERP, if not, I will be broke. When returning the car, end up some where else in Singapore. Today is a day of lost day for me. I don't know la.

Yesterday, was my sister mini big day. Everyone keep asking where are you? Think what I anwser!! I say, No more alreasy. Their reaction is the same, HUH! Don't sad la. Never mind. My 2nd aunt even clever, HUH? Don't lie to me la. You don't want let me see right?

Oh!! Great news, My 2nd sister may be getting marry in about 2 to 3 years time. When she announce it today, I just kept quiet and look into the air. Than was talking about going University. I added to the conversation saying, 'You all wait for ah kai!! The photo will be nice.' Parent of cause asked, then you lei? Hmm......

Been thinking alot today. Stay in Pasir Ris for about 4 hours. Alot of flashback. I am missing you. Don't worry, I just cannot accept the fact that you not my girlfriend anymore. I remember what JY told me what she told you, saying "Stef, we know and JX know that you and him cannot get back together." I think I been repeating myself.

I actually thought of what if we get back together? Will I be like in 蜡笔小新comics, how their parents act? All I wanted is a simple life with you. Sometime some small quarrelling, some 撒娇 from you, I don't need to talk much and you know what I wants. If got children, get some protest party, to make you angry and jealous!! Seriously missing your face, and the cute little naughty mouth and your smile. Today, I am calm, I think.

As what you say, I been commented by other about my attitude in blog. I been repeating everything everytime. Will only say, no one will watch disney pictures in cinema from now on. Thinking of that, make my mind blank. Oh yes, today my friend trying to buy laptop. While trying to think, we went T1's ACTION CITY. I saw this mini lego. All of a suddened, I thought of you. I saw a pink pig. I believe if you see that, you will buy and give it to me. At that shop, I saw a box writing "THERE IS NOTHING IN THE BOX BUT LOVE THAT I CAN GIVE."

I have to say this, I never purposely sms you on relaxing yourself. I do that everytime you having exam. It's ok if you don't remember. Just want to tell I never do that on purpose.

Thank you for accepting my favour. You scare that my family will hate you. I am sure they are not and more hoping you to come back. I will try everything again to get over you. I think I will takes years. Please do ignore me till then. Get someone to pass me message on the change of your life in the future. Wish you well again. Hmm...never!!

2011-04-17T00:19:00.004+08:00

People have been trying to comfort me. Trying to ask me to stop thinking. I been doing that too. I really really tried but it don't work on me. It only last for a week. After that, i will go back to square one!! I don't cry easily. Nothing can make me cry. I don't ever drop a tear when my uncle pass away. Now, even television show also can make me cry anytime. i showing sign of weakness!!

Msn her, trying my usual way again. I know the outcome but still want to try. I know all the reason and the answer and the explanation but still want to try. I ask her to ignore me from now on. She feel that by replying my sms is showing a form of hope to me. To me, is 20% yes and 80% no. Never mind, crying is a form of destressing.

My mother asked me to go genting with them on the 15th may. At first, I say ok!! Yesterday, I told her, I don't wish to go. My plan was to see if she is free and get her to go out. I still trying stupid things when JY and CHNG telling me to stop and there is no chance anymore. Is a forever thing. I know that. I really know! I just can't control myself. The only person who can control is CHNG but I do not wish to get scolding from her everytime and I don't like to 'ma fan' others about my things. Haiz!! No one will watch disney related movie anymore. Worst of all, kungfu panda 2 is coming. I planned to watch it with her. I shall just buy 2 ticket and keep.

I know is stupid and childish and immature and foolish. This is the way of my life. My uncontrol emotion driving me nuts. I can only do foolish things now. Still hoping things will go back to it use to be. I will then communicate with you. truefully.

Never your friend or anyone from now on. Sign Out!!

2011-04-15T23:16:00.008+08:00

Been busy for awhile!! Thinking of her? Yah I still but my life still have to go on. Thousand of thought have been in my mind. Let's not talk about this. Today, my sec 4 finally P.O.P. Happy for them and sad for the lousy planning and running of the parade. I need to apologise to the sec 4. Final speech for them, while in squad. Don't know what we doing!!

With Yiting!!

Mini photo session with the Ex OC and officers

I think they good friend!!

Sec4 with CIs'

Sec 4

Sec 2

Sec 1

Scolding them!!

Still scolding!!

Biggest Boss!!

Biggest Boss's Boss

Act Only!!

Last words in their squad!!

Gift for memories from the officer.

I hate these people!!

Preparing for the Parade!!!

Still trying to figure out what they doing.

I don't know, i think the blog don't like me. I don't know how to operate it too. Never mind!! Hmm, sister's wedding is drawing near. My father was talking about my er jie's bf than he said this "I lost a daughter-in-law." In my mind "I lost everything." Think I thinking too much since my sister is getting marry. Seeing others hold hand and being lovely, I feel sad!! The channel 8 series make me cry too. How sad and gay!!

2011-03-28T22:44:00.002+08:00

I de-activate my Facebook account. I been wanting to do that but just now decided to make it happen. I think this will be my last entry for now. I got the feeling of crying now. Before i de-activate the account, I downloaded some picture that I hope to keep. Looking through all the photo, remind me of her. From the time of my army, to out first date, to my 21st birthday, to her 21st birthday, to celebration and many more. While viewing, tears just roll down to my mouth.

Tomorrow meeting her. I hope I not going to give her pressure. I will try not to ask any question. I still don't think we can be friend. I cannot bear to see her in other guys arms in the future. I should be like what you say, sooner or late, we won't contact eact other. Try not to go around and talk about me. I will try to avoid you in anyway. Our time is up. So sorry to let you have such a bad memories. I going to give this song to you.

嚴爵 - 我喜歡，不我愛
作詞：嚴爵作曲：嚴爵

我喜歡你的眼看著我的眼
我喜歡你的臉貼著我的臉

我喜歡你的手牽著我的手
我喜歡你的口吻著我的口
時間在改變你不要改變

因爲我很愛你不想要你放棄愛情
友情這段得來不易
我愛你真的是很愛你所以想
就這樣繼續愛下去

時間在改變你不要改變

因爲我很愛你不想要你放棄愛情
友情這段得來不易
我愛你真的是很愛你所以想
就這樣繼續愛下去

因爲我很愛你不想要你放棄愛情
友情這段得來不易
我愛你真的是很愛你所以想
就這樣繼續愛下去
因爲我很愛你不想要你放棄愛情
友情這段得來不易
我愛你真的是很愛你所以想
就這樣繼續愛下去

for the benefit of people who don't know how to read chinese, this song is telling the person how he/she love that person. No matter how a person is like, it change due to the enviroment that is around. Hoping that person won't change after everything that happen. Loving the person is not easy, that why loved!! Hope the love will be on going.

Hope tonight going to be the last time I cry. 2 drop of tears roll down again. Thanks you and sorry. Seriously love you. Will wait in my little corner.

2011-03-27T23:55:00.002+08:00

Yes!! I meeting her soon. I don't know why but I got a feeling that things won't work well. I really scare.

my brother-in-law's grandpa told me this, don't think too muhc, keep all your concentration to things you are doing now. Than he told me about his love story. I miss her. Really miss her. I am kinda slow, seriously slow. nothings I can do to make up to you and get you back? Maybe not now?

最浪漫的事曲：李正詞：姚若龍編：
背靠著背坐在地毯上
聽聽音樂聊聊願望
你希望我越來越溫柔
我希望你放我在心上
你說想送我個浪漫的夢想
謝謝我帶你找到天堂
哪怕用一輩子才能完成
只要我講你就記住不忘
我能想到最浪漫的事
就是和你一起慢慢變老
一路上收藏點點滴滴的歡笑
留到以後坐著搖椅慢慢聊
我能想到最浪漫的事
就是和你一起慢慢變老
直到我們老得哪兒也去不了
你還依然把我當成手心裡的寶

A song that show what is the most romanic things I can do and tell you. I will do that if I have a chance.

2011-03-26T23:08:00.002+08:00

Got chance to talk to her today. I never thought that she will call me. I know is not possible but finally, we are meeting up soon. I think you will know what I want to ask but I scare you will get irritated with me. I know you still care for me but is it love? I don't want to make assumption.

My sister's wedding coming. I really really hope you can attend. I really know how you feel but I want to see you in nightgown standing in front of me. I alway look for a time where to take picture with you. I don't like random shots, I look for occassion. I hope to take a picture with you when I wearing a suit.

I don't know I can treat you as normal friend a not. Think I don't talk too much. Let see what will happen on the coming meeting with you. I hope is not as I think it will turn out.

Oh yah, think my parent trying to do something with me. Got me up early in the morning to ask me "pei" them for breakfast and don't want to talk to me. I think they trying to let me relax. Thanks!!!! I will figure out what I want and what to do soon.

2011-03-25T23:42:00.002+08:00

Got to know, my friend and the girlfriend trying something out after their breakup. They went out during last Sunday. I wonder why I have that problem going out with you. Other friends or mine, scold him stupid but for me, I admire him for doing that. I wonder why I cannot do the same things? May I date you?

I sms her this morning. I thought she will send me a reply, but I got no reply from her. Never mind, I told her not to contact me. I even wonder is she have change her number without leting me know. It's okay if you do that, just need to know you are doing well. I quite worry for her not replying my msg. I keep telling myself that she is busy, she is working, she listen to what I say by not contacting me. I find a lot of excuse to keep me off thinking her reply. Until my shifu, she ask me, when am I going to get married? I start turning emotional again. I replied, I won't get marry unless the partner is her. I not giving you pressure, trust me. I don't mind spending my time waiting for you.

Got a good news, I found out that people around me think that I am a good catch if they want to get a husband. 2 person from my shop have same idea. Do you? hmm.. :)

Can I meet you on 3rd april at 12pm. Let go out relax yourself due to the stress you been handling? I will fetch you. I trying my luck on dating you out. I know there is a high chance you will reject me and find an excuse to make me feel better. I am fine with it. I think you know how to contact me or acknowledge me if you going to accept my date. If there is no reply, I will wait till I see you that day. I promise I won't go up your house or do anything. I will just wait quietly.

2011-03-24T23:39:00.002+08:00

没你帮我带路，我哪能好好的过？叫我不要想你，哪有那可能？我们是如何走过这岁月，你不把它当一回是吗？我的改变是为了配合你的生活，配合你的家庭。不能不想，不能不哭。离开是我不想做的选择。我是想不认你为难而做的决定。我想认你好好的面对你妈妈认后，在次和你在来过。没想到，你放起了我，放起这感情。我不要把这感情认于回忆。我们还有很多事没做，很多计划没完成。我不想过一个没有你的生活。

我知道现在的你过得很好。你能回想我们做过的事吗？请你不要认我在次失望。我知道我辜负你，但那不会在发生了。我请求你给我那机会。我真不知道我能在忍耐多久，我整个人可能在也控制不了了。真没机会了吗？我看我只能每天以泪洗脸，认我入眠。

对不起，我无法再忍耐了。我没办法现在只能哭。

2011-03-24T00:44:00.002+08:00

Another day that I keep thinking of her. No matter what I do, her imagine will always be there. I cannot change the fact that she left me. I still keep her in mind. my friend ask me, do you still think of her? You still keep her item? I just tell my friend, the ring is in my wallet all this while. My friend ask again, what if the wallet lost? I reply, I will cry on the spot.

I am a person with lot of plans. I know what I want and what I hope to have but when come to emotion and expression, I am hopeless. The thinking of dating her out and asking her to be my girlfriend once again have not tide down. I really hope the two things will happen.

You still missing me? Keeping me in mind? If you are, please let me know by giving me a chance to date you again. From the picture I see, you been going out with friends. You want to do something to keep your mind out of me? Or you are enjoying yourself now? I been asking you out of a few times and rejected me that many times. Your friend ask you out, you join them. I not blaming on you but can I have the same privilege? I can feel the avoiding and the hiding. I dare not say you still have 100% feeling for me but I know you still have feeling for me. I really love you. The greatest regret is letting you go. I think you will find this naggy soon. I have been doing this awhile. What can I do now? Or may I say, can you do something to me?

2011-03-24T00:11:00.002+08:00

爱情从来不会是个如水流一样的顺流。在河里，凡是都会有小石头或一些阻碍。只要有毅力，没有事情是不能解决的。

我从来都没想过我们会有那么一天会如此的遥远。我不敢说我用100%的心去爱你但我从来没把你忘了。到今天，我还是想着你。我真的想念你的撒娇，你的温柔，你的一切。我真希望你是那位走上我布置的红地毯。我真希望我能带给你一个美满的家庭。我真的希望你会是我孩子口中的妈妈。但，我的希望可能不会在实现了。它会是一个回忆或一个定局，只有命运会知道。我真后悔听你妈妈的话。我真希望我们能从新在来。这次，我不会在放手了。我不会完全听你的，但我已经做好改变的心了。请在次的相信我，在次的把你的手和心，交给我。让你离开是我最大的遗憾。希望你回来。

真心爱你的我。

2011-03-23T09:48:00.002+08:00

got a bad news dream again. I hope it won't happen. I dreamt of her having a bf again. She telling me that she is getting use to her new bf. How can I ever step out of it? If I can just have you in my arm, I will be the most happiest man. I found this sentence on twitter. Boy tell his gal this, "The next girl I'll ever love on this earth is our DAUGHTER." I really want to tell you this. This sentence is in my mind for while before I found it on twitter. Go out with me? You got nothing to lose beside your time.

2011-03-22T21:45:00.002+08:00

oh mine!!! I found out that I can't take seafood from now on. My favourite sotong, is a killer for my illness. Haiz!!

When I going home from NPCC training, I felt so lonely. I alight from the bus, walking up the bridge with a limping leg. Then, I hear this song from my PSP, which is sang by S.H.E. I felt so lonely and helpless. The first person come to my mine is you. So, I walk in a heavy limping dragging foot step. Across the road. I really felt sad and lonely. Blaming myself for not treating her good. I got the mind of wooing her again. Though I find it useless, I still think of her. I am so stupid.

My parent going Malaysia for a day on 3th April. I going to get off and maybe walk around in town. I really really hope, I can date you out for a movie and let me enjoy a day with you again. What am I thinking!!! Haiz!! I still remember that you don't like the song "Lonely" by Akon!! HAHAHAhahahahaha..............................

2011-03-22T12:41:00.004+08:00

The pain is still there. I cannot bend my toes. When I see your picture on facebook, I seem happy. Seeing you smiling like use to be, I am delighted. How I wish I can take picture with you again. I think I don't talk already. I need to ease the pain.

Oh yah, I didn't know that she like small pig and she like going concert. Haiz!!! I love you. I don't know you can feel it anot but I still care and love you. Wishing to have our own family with you. Yah, going emotional again!!!

2011-03-21T21:26:00.002+08:00

Went for Reece today. Went Tree Top Park and found out that the road is under maintenance. So, we have to go back another day to check the safety of the road. After the Reece, went to have lunch at Pizza Hut. I ate Curry Zazzle set meal which cost about $7.90. When I step into the restaurant, reminded of her. Having dinner with her at Pizza Hut before. All the memories starts coming back when I don't want to think of it. After the lunch, went for movie. Haven't been into cinema after we broke up. I bought my favourite, Nacho Cheese. Let me think of her again. Reminded me of she complaining she want to eat Nacho Cheese and snatching from me. :)

Watch "Rango". I hope I got the chance to date her when Kungfu Panda 2 is out. Went back to have dinner after the movie. During the lunch at Pizza Hut, My toes is in pain and I don't know why. When I got home, Told my father about it. Realise I got "Gout". Is a Rich-man disease which I found the name in yahoo. I am seriously dead. Is not a deadly disease but is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Now my toes is in pain and my inner thigh is also in pain due to the cold weather. I hope the pain will go off by tomorrow morning. The pain is not unbearable but is uncomfortable. I can't move a inch of my toes if not, the pain will kill me. I read the cure for it. I need to look out for my diet. Cannot stand too long, Stop taking beans or purine stuff. It will be hard for me but I will try, like how I try to forget her.

I think of her a lot this few days. Thinking the guy is getting nearer to her. I think if I see her, I will burst into tears in a second. Either let me forget her or let her come back to me. Haiz, choice that is both hard for me to go through now. Wish you luck in everything. Please update your blog. I really hope to know what you are doing. Be it busy or what, I hope to see new post and all. Pray to my god for the well being of you, your happiness.

2011-03-20T20:31:00.002+08:00

Got a lot of things to pack. Got to pack my things again. Saw a bag of belt in the way, open up to see whose is it. Realise is mine. Belt that she bought for me. Missing her again. Getting myself emotional again. Keeping quiet for the whole day. Thinking of her, scare that soemone is wooing her, scare that she going to get a boyfriend soon, really scared!!!! By the way, should I thanks my sister for letting us pack the house. This can help me in keeping her things away or should I be angry because I got to see all her things again!!! I hope I really can go out with you. A silent date also fine but to you, what is the point!!! Saded!!! Let me think of you today to keep my asleep. Love!!

2011-03-19T22:17:00.003+08:00

Got my result a few days ago. I already predicted that I won't be doing well but didn't know that I will at least get an 'A' for a module. GPA of 2.57. So damn low. Haiz!! Disappointed in myself and make my parent disappointed.

2011-03-19T21:51:00.002+08:00

Sorry That I Loved You
词：倪安东/Skot suyimi(中译/陶晶莹) 曲：Skot Suyimi

For all of the time that i tried for your smile
For making you think that i was worth the while
So your love love love love love would be mine
For sending you flowers and holding your hand
That no one was there to take a stand
But then love love love made us blind
And I'm so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I'm sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn't turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight
And I'm So sorry for...
Making you love me and saying goodbye
For being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love love love and it passed us by
For giving you every thing that you dreamed
For taking it back when i fled the scene
sorry love,for wasting your time
And I'm so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I'm sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn't turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
I'm so sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight
And apology now after all of this time
Won't make my difference tonight
But I'm hoping I'm Sorry will open your mind
To love love love love in your life
Sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I'm sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn't turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I'm sorry that it came true
But sorry do can't turn back time
I'm sorry that i loved you
I'm sorry that i hurt you
I'm so sorry that i loved you
I'm sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i loved you

2011-03-19T21:38:00.002+08:00

Today, wake up with some headache and having a lot of msg about NPCC. After settling the problem, have my breakfast than start packing my house again. Folding my clothes and pants. Found out that she really bought a lot of clothes for me. I was folding it properly. I promise myself, from now on, I going to wear every single clothes that she bought for me. This been the 4th day of not contacting you. It is suffering for me. Do you? I don't know what am I thinking about. I still want a date with you. I thought of doing this. Put a time and date here and on that day, wait for you to come. I find it stupid. I wonder, what if you don't come or you didn't got a chance to read it or what if you come, what will I do? Never mind la. Asked her not to contact me anymore. Have to bare with it. Let it be ba!!

Still thinking of you coming back to me!!

2011-03-18T23:54:00.002+08:00

Was damn so tire. Did alot of things in the camp. haven't have enough slp but had never miss the period of missing her. I regret for saying something hurtful to her but I really have to step out of it. Trying to hate her to the fullest, which is impossible. Trying not to contact her at all. I wish she will still come back to me but I really know and realise that is impossible. I still love you.

If I have a last sentence to say to this world, I will say I love you. If I need to put a limit to that sentence, I will put a 10000 years. My birthday wish from now on, is wishing you have a good and happy life. Hmm...think I am really useless, thought I am very tire to cry, but the tear just roll down without my control!!!!

2011-03-15T21:46:00.002+08:00

Now regret of not paying enough attention to her. Making plans that suit me. Thinking that she won't leave me. Been begging for her to come back to me. She stand firm!! I am sure people around me will tell me this, "Jing Xian, give her time to think. She is tire, let her rest and concentrate on her studies."

Yah, I will let her study and me, I will fucking fail everything!! I cannot concentrate you people know? Trying the best of me not to think. Been 3 month and I am still surviving in this emotion. Trying all method that I asked to stop thinking of her for 1 millisecond. Nothing can work. Trying to go out with friend, getting myself busy, get some distraction. ALL ARE BULL SHIT!!! FUCK ALL SHIT!!

I lower my pride, begging you to come back. Do you know that? Do you want me to go your house do something stupid and beg for your YES???? How much do you want me to suffer? You know I care, you know my love towards you. Why can't you just let me walk into your heart again? I have never imagine this happening to me and you. Someone enlighten me please. I seriously will have spilt personality soon and I am going crazy!! Please please, I seriously need your comfort. I cannot take the heart to hate you. All your hurtful words will really make me hurt but will make me more wanting to get you back. Please let be together again!! FUCK CAN YOU STOP THE TAP FROM FLOWING?? HOW OLD ARE YOU ALREADY?? FUCKING TAKE A KNIFE AND POKE YOUR EYE. SHE WON'T SHOW CONCERN.

2011-03-15T01:14:00.002+08:00

Busy the whole day while thinking of her. I love you, that is what i can do now. Wake up, went to have breakfast in the morning with my parent. Promise them to check out the wardrobe with them at the furniture shop near my house. Found the wardrobe that is ideal but the length is not suitable for the room. While thinking of the placement of the new wardrobe, hoping to share my new space with her. showing her my design of the new-look room.

Went to unit to pack the room and logistic for the coming camp. Still thinking if I can slim down to make her happy. busying with the things and thinking how to talk to her with new topic. At the same time, don't know how to survive in the coming camp for not hearing her voice and her complain.

Went work after that, trying to use my method to make her smile when we are together to a philipino girl. Did alot and think of her alot too. Trying my best to walk my way to her hear again.

Went MR TEH TARIK for supper with peeps. Thinking about her too. Thinking of things that we plan to do at night. There are alot of night life that we plan but cannot be come true. Will work for it.

I can guarantee the things you need. Walk back to me, we can start anew. everything will not be the same. I can be your ideal boyfriend!! I just cannot lose you. You are really made for me. LOVEs.....

2011-03-13T23:50:00.002+08:00

Trying to talk to her today. Think become a fight than a talk. I know I cross the border. I shouldn't do this and that but i was too impatient and was too excited. I ask her to be my gf once again for 24 hours. She say she is tempted to do so but she didn't want to. I ask her rather come back to me. She say, I will pamper her more than usual. I became emotional again. I know I shouldn't ask all the question but I can't control. I really love her. She say she want to concentrate on her studies first, I can understand. I feel bad when I pick on all her words. I just want her to tell me, YES, I want to go back with you but this may not be the time. Will you wait for me? I will feel really really happy if she say that.

I feel like a hurricane hit when she break the news of breaking. It make my world so messy, when I am still recovering from all the news and sadness, the tsunami hits. The messiness been wash all the way down to the bottom.

I took out the watch that she buy for me when I am 21st. I bleed internally when taking out the watch. What I can do now is to stop activity of her. It is not a peaceful thing for me. I of cos wish that we can be together. You think being carefree now is good for you, I can only support you by respecting your decision. I will alway stand by you although I am not at ur sight.

2011-03-13T01:14:00.001+08:00

Can you just call me and talk to me?

2011-03-13T01:03:00.003+08:00

Just pack my room and I got my own space now. Just reply her msg on facebook. I still can't get over it. I am still not moving on. Why am I sitting down here telling all this. I also don't know. I can't get it why she is so cool and calm. Never thought of she leaving me. Never thought breakup upon me and her. Vision of us in a happy family. People treasures somethings when they lose them. I been treasuring you in my way. Come back to me!!

Why you sound so happy in your facebook? Getting me out in your picture is a good thing? You think your mother decision is correct? I dunno la!! Someone just shoot me and let me die.

2011-03-12T01:00:00.002+08:00

Got to blog about the gang of Samous Amos who work for me today. Ordering Golden Pillow for some sort of celebration. Spending $32.75 for the 2 pillow. Great taste, having fun with the small gang. Talking about a trip to Universal Studio and thought of asking the full timer and manager to work during the day of the our trip. Plan to ask Xueli, ChirFang, Wendy and Sun Wei to work. The rest go for relaxation trip due to breaks up and pressure by external force. Talk and talk, getting the shop so messy. Getting myself so work up!!! Did I enjoy today? I have to answer YES!! If not, there will be complain around when I go back work. By the way, got my wallpaper into slide show of me and her, listening to song "Without You" by Mariah Carey. Been asked on movie of the month. I haven't enter Golden Village website for awhile. She is not going to watch movie with me anymore. No point going to that website. Applying SAFRA Card to enjoy lifetime discount for movie ticket. Now, it will just rot in a corner, growing more and more spiderweb.

2011-03-11T23:41:00.002+08:00

Another day of emotional day. Working while thinking of you. 4 years!!! Nothing have change since then. Talk to my mother today and told her all the things. She commented on some unhappy remarks.

Nothing will be normal since you left me. Giving up on me. Get to move on without my needs. I will suffer till the end of my lovely life. Being part of me for awhile. Without the pestering and complaining, I not use to it. I will never get use to it. I just want you to come back to me as a girlfriend. A girlfriend that take care of me. A girlfriend that I will say "I love you". A girlfriend that I will ask "Will you marry me". A girlfriend that I will cry for and hope to see. A wife that will carry on my family line. You are the only one. I am not going to open my heart to anyone else. That's for sure. Just come back to me and stop my mind go wild without you. Please come back. If it take me to shorten my life, I will give up my life to wish for your hand, arms and mind to me. If you give the green light, I willingly to woo you again, letting you feel the different love I can give. A me that will change for you to realise how much I love you. I willing to do anything for you beside letting go.

2011-03-11T23:38:00.000+08:00

終於說出口
詞：宋念宇黃文萱　曲：宋念宇　編曲：宋念宇　製作：陳偉

你終於說出口　其實你早就已經不愛我
為什麼要低著頭　你知道這玩笑騙不倒我
可是這不是玩笑　是要逃避你離開我的理由

＊我還能做甚麼　你已經不愛我
　我一直都愛著你難道這還不夠
　我還要做甚麼　你才不離開我
　我知道你已無心再繼續看著我
　一心想離開我

我終於也說出口　其實很愛你但從沒認真說過
或許是我的錯　多在乎你卻只放在心中
不要問我為甚麼　因為愛你這就是我的理由

我還能做甚麼　你已經不愛我
我一直都愛著你難道這還不夠
我還要做甚麼　你才不離開我
我知道你已無心再繼續看著我

沒什麼需要被原諒　我笑的有些牽強
你知道我總是能夠假裝不難過
oh不想看你那麼累　多希望再給我機會
顫抖著我的手　握住的只是風

2011-03-11T01:01:00.002+08:00

finding it stupid to post the previos post. Was trying to read all the post I post when We just started dating. Saw alot of spelling mistake. I read the post is to insult myself. Never mind. Lost sheep Lost sheep!!! Too lost in you!!!! FML!!

2011-03-10T23:30:00.004+08:00

Inner self(Bad): Jing Xian, Jing Xian, you are a dumb ass. Still want to ask your friend is it good if you buy a message lolly with a bear on it for her. Really!! You are stupid. How much you try to cover or repay, it is done for. You are nothing to her but just memories. If you continue to do that, you will get yourself into trouble. You will really lose a friend.

Inner Self(Good): Jing Xian, you are not trying to forget her. You are pushing your luck. You still think that you have a high chance of getting her back. Trying to plan a way to win her heart back. Do you know how much people around you are worry of you? Stop trying to do things like this. You don't stand a chance anymore. Seriously, please turn around and walk. Nothing behind you is sweet.

Myself: The both of you know me the best. You know what am i thinking. You speak the true but I just want to try. I actually want to post something like "I think you are really made for me". In the end, I didn't when I found out that thing. I cannot suppress myself of not thinking and stalking at her. I know true is painful. I still cannot accept it. I promise to move on. Things around me trying to tell me not to let go even it takes me to lose other important things.

Inner Self(Bad): So now, do you think you are moving on? You come out with a lot of logic to hide your own thinking and plans. You know why? Because you know it will never come true. Drop the hope of winning her heart back, stop thinking she will go out with you alone and stop trying to do anything for her. HEY!! What with the watery eye? You told me you will stop crying since then.

Inner Self(Good): She already told you that she already give up on the previous relationship, how you treat her and all. She won't go out with you as she don't want you to give you wrong idea. She trying to live her life to the fullest without you around. No matter how free she is, she won't ask if you are free to go out with her. You will never be first on her mind anymore. Anything you give her, she will just treat it as a memories. No other meaning to it. You know she will read the blog and you really try to say something on how you feel and think she will comfort you in some way. Jing Xian, You are wrong!!! You will be a burden to her in the near future. She will treat you as a pest. Step out of it.

Myself: Just let me do what I want. I am a lost sheep now.

2011-03-09T21:23:00.002+08:00

Watching Channel 8. A talk show on relationship. Hmm....

Working in the morning. Came back home for dinner. Want to slack for awhile. Than things happen. First of all, "HE" complaining say that we went IKEA yesterday and never tell "HIM" the outcome. OK, so i went to ask my sister to show the things and tell him most of our thinkning. I just don't know how to explain to "HIM" or get "HIM" to understand our thought. OK, never mind.

Then, the bed suddenly just fall apart. I went to save the day. I got complain by "HIM"!! Asking this and that. I replied "HIM" and "HE" reply, "nowaday, no one want to listen to me anymore, I better don't talk." WTF!!!!!!!

Seriously don't know what is "HE" thinking. I want to throw most of the stuff that is useless in my house, I scare he will scold me. For example, who using carbon paper now? He said, "I use money buy de, you people never use, I got use." I throw what, "HE" will pick up back. So, what is the point of cleaning the house?

I start thinking of all things again. About you!! When I was watching the drama series on channel 8 at 7pm, I start to think about you. Jialing keep her mind firm while the mother trying to break Mingcheng and her up. Mingcheng's mother don't want Jialing to be marry into their family. Jialing trying to get Mingcheng out of her mind and leave the place but Mingcheng use his true love to get Jialing back to her. Now they are back but the mother still trying to break them up. I actually picture us having a family before....haiz!!! Life is fair to everyone. Whatever you miss or lose, there will alway be something good that replace the bad portion. In my life, they choose to replace you. That's why I find it unfair.

Today her brother birthday. I never celebrate with him this year. Never mind, I already wishes him. Guys..........blog is a things that helps other to know what you are doing recently. OMG!!! Now even 9pm show also talking about this. 8 years of relationship, cannot just forget about it. I cannot just let go. I will wait for you!!! Haiz....

2011-03-09T01:26:00.003+08:00

Look at the time now!! Is so late and I still working on the proposal. Hmm...she today didn't reply me on facebook. Busy? I think I running out of ideas on topic to chat with you. I know, sooner or later, we will stop talking to each other. Never mind, I try my best to think of something to irritate you.

Went IKEA today, I mean yesterday. TO check on the cupboard, bed frame and all. Gonna buy new ones for the room. I planned for the layout of the room, most of them reject my idea BUT I think in the end still will follow my plan.

Before going shopping in IKEA, went to eat at the canteen. Recalled that day we have a little fight on food. Missing your angry face, don't want to talk to me!! Hmm.....let it be ba. I don't know why I so happy about recalling the memories. I not emotional that much but something there is stablizing my heart. I can't explain the feeling. You having the same feeling as me? I still not used to be alone. Come back to me? HAHAHA!!!!

2011-03-07T18:15:00.002+08:00

Having slight headache now. Pack my room for my sister wedding. Also pack her stuff and seal it up. Will it be a happy occassion when I open it? Wrote a letter for the future me when I open it. I may lose my memories but that will help me remember her. Now my cupboard is empty. Empty with everything. Looking forward to my sister wedding. After the wedding will be May and I can meet her for outing!!!!

2011-03-06T22:55:00.003+08:00

Was busy since yesterday. Went Pulau Ubin for activity. Get my too tire to reply or talk to anyone. Actually fall asleep on the sofa at about 9 plus. Wake up at 11 plus. Ate "nasi lemak" for brunch, and start planning the layout for the bedroom. Next week going to pack everything and re-arrange the bedroom. Took the whole afternoon thinking of the layout and her. Watch some TV and the same time, than the drama also show some love love problem. Than start smsing her. At about evening time, finally complete the planning and show mother and sister. They rejected because of the placing. Need to go IKEA or COURTS to check the new cupboard that we going to get for the room.

Next week quite busy. Monday got another meeting, Tuesday got parade, Wednesday to Friday got work. Satursday got to pack the room and Sunday got to pack the store room.I don't know got time to go for a jog during next week anot but going to give myself time for the jog. No excuse haha!!!! OK NOT FUNNY!!

2011-03-05T00:10:00.002+08:00

hmm.....I totally forgot what i going to post today. Than I think I talk about what I did today. For my favourite one and only reader. Wake up quite early, to eat my "Kuek Chap". Was watching some animation before I go out for meeting at whitesand. Download some songs at the same time. Elva de!! haha!!

Yah as usual, late for the meeting. I need to take cab there too. When I reach, I still tell them, I don't like to wait for people. Haha!! got punishment from them by buying food for them at Mac. Talking about the Camp in july.

When we finish, decide to go for mahjong. Didn't play at all cos not enough people. That why I sms you say will send you home after your work. I actually wanted to repay what I owe you. Something like make it up la and I got a bad thinking today. I just to hug you from the back. Haha!! Never do hor!!! I asked you out is actually want to walk to the beach awhile. You rejected me!! *SOP* *SOP*

Will find time for you when you want to meet me. I doubt you will date me la but its ok. Send you home again after my sister wedding. Or if I am around Pasir Ris, won't purposely from tampines go pasir ris to send you home.

That's all!! My schedule, for the next few month. March, Camp and packing my house. April, Pack my house and their house and prepare for the wedding. May start school with some quiz. June, quiz. July, Camp and term test and holiday. Aug, ur birthday!! will date you out. Bring you to Hotel eat. You and me only. Must wear dress and makeup!! Sept, my birthday bring me to casino!! main exam and holiday. oct, holiday. Nov, school start. Dec, quiz!!! bz hor!!! haha!! no matter when is it, u ask me out, I will go de. U need to destress sometime. I book you here. On 2nd april, I date you. Is like a month time. try not to reject me. ok?? reply to facebook!!!

2011-03-03T23:17:00.002+08:00

我不需要任何回报。不吻你，不抱你，只要认我陪伴你，认我能看到你的笑容，我就满足了。

The time is going to be over. How's your day today? Think will be a happy one since is a day that I won't scold you. Saw your facebook smiling happily with your friends. Felt happy for you. Erh, we are not together but I wish you happy "by right" 4th anniversary.

It's been a lonely day for me. Went out with 2 guys for today. How I wish you are there, receiving your sms saying happy anniversary, eating something with you, complaining to me about me, stopping me from ordering too much food, complaining I am fat. Miss kissing you and saying I love you. Miss you really really alot.

Today I suffer alot. Trying to control not to sms you. Scare you got stress up again due to me. I still wondering how you can just drop the thinking? I still haven't pack your stuff in a corner. Oh my, rain come again. I promise I will pack everything away. Please stop asking me not to think too much. We been through too many things. I just can't open my finger and let it drop. My army, my down period, the restricted, the everything. Go anywhere also will think on what we did at the same place. I just can't lift the stone in me. I just can't stop crying now. I been too impatient, missing out too many small detail of you. I am sorry!! I can't do anything now. I don't know what I want now. I told calvin that your friend want to introduce boyfriend to you. He replied: "Jing Xian, just let go. The friend don't respect you at all. They are not supporting you, why do you have to keep thinking?"

Do anyone know how I feel when calvin told me this? Or does anyone know how I feel now? It is different on how you feel previously. You got support from friends asking you not to think, I got friend that ask me to think. I want to stop the pain, the sorrow. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost. Don't tell me time will heal. I don't want to hear that. I know I am being stubborn. Nothing I can do and I also don't know what I can do to make me feel easy. I want to stop everything about you but when I recalled that day you accept my card from kopitam, I cannot stop thinking. I think I getting the wrong idea from you. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT!!

2011-03-03T19:15:00.002+08:00

Today....nvm

After today paper, went out with jenn, cal, sel. We went to Soeul Garden for celebration and they talk about me. Complaining this and that about me being emotional. I can't do anything to control myself.

Been in Soeul Garden for about 2 hours. After eating, we went to arcade. Play some stupid game. After playing, decided to go for bowling. I didn't expect myself to get such a low score.

Now at home, thinking of why am I at home. Why can't I just call her to talk to her. She asked me do not think so much. To her will still be a special day. If is a special day, why are we like that? I cannot stop thinking. The mark of 4 years. THE MARK OF 4 YEARS!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This place is the only place I can let everything out. Don't feel pity of me, I do not stand that high price for you.

The drama in channel 8 talk so much about what I feeling now. There a sentence Jialing said: "因为爱，就放手。" There is another drama in the afternoon, the song sing this: "因为有你，我才相信爱情。" Yah, I being TOO emotional liao. Yes, I won't think too much!! I not blaming you, blaming myself of not treating you well when I have a chance. Didn't give myself enough time to show you how much I love you, how much I care for you, how much I want you to irritate me. It's all over, just today only, emotional abit more. A few more hours, will strike 12. It will be all over. OVER!! How I wish you will call me...

2011-03-02T18:18:00.004+08:00

Yah is another second post. While studying, I fall asleep. Slept for awhile and I continue studying for tomorrow paper. Halfway studying, feel like listening to her voice. Haiz!! How can I forget when tomorrow is the day. The day of the start of sweet memories. The more I think, the more I cannot take it. It been awhile I cried. Think tonight going to cry again. My heart weight so heavily now.

I already plan something for myself tomorrow. Trying to avoid thinking about the date. Got my classmate to join me for Soeul Garden after paper, meeting with NPCC about proposal, thought of going clubbing tomorrow with Calvin. Just don't feel like being alone for tomorrow. It will be better if tomorrow I can get myself drunk.

FUCK!!! I am thinking, what if my future friend girlfriend is her, how will I react? Haiz....Damn depress now. I will just let it be. Later when the clock strike 12, I will need to suffer for 24hrs till the day end.

Love you!! Think I will try not to contact you tomorrow, so I won't stress you up.

2011-03-02T12:59:00.004+08:00

不是因为你不爱我，只是我们不能在一起了。Using this phrase, will make me feel better but still, haiz.....

Today was smoking and waiting for bus. Listening to my PSP songs while waiting too. Realise that there is a song in my PSP is singing about my situation <<明天以后>>. Starting thinking of her when i hear that song. That song remind me alot of things that she have done for me.

Yesterday check out from company's chalet. Been abit emotional during the chalet. Normally, when i get to overnight outside, she will call me late in the night to talk. keep me accompany. She know that I won't sleep early if i get to overnight outside. Every time when i overnight outside, I like to sit outside where there is no roof. Every time hope that I can watch the sky with her. Every time will just talk with her while I am watching the stars or the sky. Every time...............

Tomorrow there is another paper, not going to think liao. It will just make me sad. There will be no more chance!! Hmm...........I won't let go.

2011-03-01T20:10:00.003+08:00

I felt so irritated. When I finish my paper today, everythings start coming to me. I am very tire due to yesterday chalet. I just want to peacefully past today with tireness mood. My plan don't suit me today.

Once I finish my paper, I got 5 sms on my phone. I slowly reply everyone of them. Then, one irritating person, just don't understand what I want to tell her. YES!! IS A HER!! I told her, either I call you, or you meet me. She reply, I prefer receive sms. She just don't understand. Sending sms don't relate everything. I keep stressing that I want to call her, she insist of receiving sms.

Than someone else sms me, telling me this and that. My brother until now haven't come back. I got a government letter, my father also ask me this and that. I cannot control and shouted back: " Why there is so many qns? Stop asking cannot." Than of cos, war started. HE DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ME!! FINE!!!

Finally my brother sms me. Saying his teacher last min ask them to stay to study. So where have you been till now? And y didn't call back when u have the time? U r saying that the lecturer nv give u ppl break? I asked her either ask the lecturer to cal me or he come home now. My mother wanted to go down to search for him. WTF!!!!! STOP PAMPERING HIM!!! HE GO ARMY, HE WILL DIE!!!!

I on fire now, I want to find her talk to calm myself but she is busy with school work. I need you as my extinguisher. NVM!! Just vent all my anger somewhere. Whoever come step on my tail, I WILL ERUPT!!!

2011-02-27T01:41:00.001+08:00

I finally come to an answer after so many days. Hope that will works!! :)

2011-02-26T17:15:00.003+08:00

Yah I know, is the second post for today. Just finish another conversation with her. She told me this, if i can't get over, she will be the bad person not picking up my call and replying my msg. Yes, I cried. So what?

Being tire of this relationship, don't want to look back at this relationship, don't feel the love. To me, a thing that is harder to get, it prove it's value of it. Sorry I can't let go. True that we don't know what will happen in the future.

You said that we still can be friend but you will feel wield if you going to tell me you have a new boyfriend. You keep telling me that this is how you tell yourself to move on but to me, this is how I cannot give up on you.

Your friend told you to not contact me but my friend ask me to get you back. To you is a sweet memorise but to me, I don't want it to be a memorise. If you ignore my call or sms, I will hate myself forever. I am the source of all this problem. I know the problem, I choose to ignore it and think that, if i leave it as it is, it will not come out again.

As I said before, JY already said there is no chance to be together anymore, I just want to try my luck to get back to you. Yes, if we get back, I will give in to you but is it love? I seriously don't know how to handle emotion. I alway scold you being too emotional. Now, no one will say I am being to emotional.

I think I repeat this a lot of time, I hope this is final. Still hope there is another time but if not, from now on, I won't scold you, torture you, kiss you, hug you, make you laugh, wish you all the best for your "looked-forward" new relationship.

Pasir Ris Drive 6, give me 2 time of heartache. Think this will be the last time. Please, when I am ok, go out with me. Just let me see how are you. That's all, I won't ask for much. Thank you!! Good luck!!

2011-02-26T13:08:00.002+08:00

I find it stupid. Can't concentrate at all. I keep thinking that she will msg me or call me. I been sitting next to my phone. She don't feel anything? I may go crazy anytime. Why would this happen? I wanted to meet her again but I think I shouldn't. Friends...............................Shit now again.

2011-02-25T21:02:00.002+08:00

Seriously I don't understand. This few days, I keep thinking about what Wendy said to me. What she said make her look bad but I cannot denied what Wendy's said may be true. I hope that is not true.

"To be frank to you. I only wanna treat you as a friend k. dun need to do anything with me in mind la. I very stressed..." This is very hurtful. Why want to treat me as friend? You think what your mother said is true? How about the promise and the forever? Oh my god!!! This is all BULL SHIT!! What is love? To my conclusion, love is a form of regret and sadness. FUCK THEM ALL!!

AS I SAID, I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!!! FUCK ALL THE LOVE!!!! LOVE IS JUST A FORM OF USING EACH OTHER WILLINGLY. I WILL LOOK DOWN ON LOVE NOW!!!!

JY said this "otl, it fix liao. u both cannot get back together already. just move on." is it true? I need an answer. She told me this, focing each other to be together will no be happy. She give me an example of her friend/cousin. They break and patch, than get married and divorce after few years. I got an example in mind, there is people, who break and get marry and live happily together. Haiz!! My dream, my future. GONE!!! FUCK MY LIFE.

2011-02-24T16:40:00.002+08:00

Once my friend ask me this, where will u put your girlfriend in place where you have friend to put, study to consider and money to think of. I told her this, friend will take 60%, study take 30% and 10% will be money. Than she asked, Where u going to put your girlfriend when is 100%? I replied, She will alway be by my side. When i got nothing to think of, she will be my 100%. Missing!!

2011-02-23T22:03:00.003+08:00

Good horse don't take grass behind them. I still want to be with you. May not be now, few years later. You really going to give up on me?

2011-02-22T23:50:00.003+08:00

Trying my best not to msg her today. Cannot control myself. In the end, just have a small chat with her and she went to bed.

Friends. Can couple turn themselves back to good friends or best friend after what they been through together? I cannot guarantee that now but will try to prove that. Still, hope to get back together. My parent already made her their daughter-in-law.

Now not going to talk about this since is over for the time being. Let work towards my goals now. Telling one of my friend about my goal. He feel what I think is not a bad idea. Getting people around to understand my goal and for them accepting the fact of my goal. I taking a big step out. I will try to look into more detail of my goal. If that goal of mine really happen, I will be making big money. What's my goal? Once I reach my goal, I don't have to explain to you all anymore. Wait and see. I will really do up a proposal for my goal. I will get people around me to invest. Not going ask big company to finance my goal.

I still wondering want to continue my study after my poly. Everyone around me asking me to continue. Previously, I wanted to go uni is due to her. Now, the source of on-going is not there anymore. Can say I lose interest in studying already. Nah, never mind. Take each step at a time. Will come to a decision somehow. Let time take it course.

2011-02-21T16:37:00.002+08:00

tearing while reading.

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me..........by James Ong

During the day, I will be the umbrella that protect you from the blazing sun. In the noon, I will feed you with the food I can find in the desert. In the evening, I will be the blanket to accompany you and be the light to shine, warm and protect you from the dark........by Kiam Ong

Life is full of advantage. High and low, Strong and weak. Things may wish to get and don't wish to get. Things happen in their way of life. Let it go, life will be better.......by Zinc Ong

Came out from the same person but in his different stage of life. People who know him, will know at which stage is James, Kiam and Zinc. Going to let go after today. It's will be no regret but memories. Thank you!!!

2011-02-21T14:18:00.002+08:00

Trying to study. Cannot concentrate. I suddenly recalled all the things she said to me. All the promise, all the sweet things. I am a goner. She promise she will love me alway, she will never change, oh my god, here came Mr Rain again. I let Mr Rain rain first.

2011-02-21T08:58:00.002+08:00

Cried yesterday nitez. Find myself hopeless and useless. Others say I look mature and do things in a well-mannered ways. I think come to relationship, I cannot handle them. Human tend to treasure something when they lose it.

Comments from others that i should not think too much and step out of it. Going out with friend will helps. I do understand that, but how about when I going to bed? Won't I think it again? No chance of patching. Even if i try very hard. I really cannot take it anymore. I know what everyone wants to tell me, I understand that too. I just need some third party to say it in my face. Chng and Chong have already told me that, I treat her badly, there will not be a chance for me to get her back. Saying thing, I feel like crying again. Haiz!!

Not that I not good, she is very tire of this relationship of 4 years. Should let her rest. Let her do what she is enjoying now. Troubling her will make her do something that you won't want it to happen.

I think I should change all the miss, to my source of exercising. I really want her to come back. I will take a big step out after today as promise. The second step may take very long because I still love you. My love to you will never decrease. I can guranttee that sentence for 1 year, 10 year or the rest of my life.

2011-02-20T18:23:00.002+08:00

Title: Tell Laura I Love Her Artist: Ray Peterson

Laura and Tommy were lovers
He wanted to give her everything
Flowers, presents,
But most of all, a wedding ring

He saw a sign for a stock car race
A thousand dollar prize it read
He couldn't get Laura on the phone
So to her mother, Tommy said

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura I may be late
I've somthing to do, that cannot wait

He drive his car to the racing grounds
He was the youngest driver there
The crowed roared as they started the race
Around the tracj they drove at a deadly pace

No one knows what happened that day
Or how his car overtuned un flames
But as they pulled him from the twisted wreck
With his dying breath, they heard him say

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die

Now in chapel when Laura prays
For her poor Tommy, who passed away
It was just for Laura he lived and died
Alone in the chapel she can hear him cry

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die

I know this is stupid but going to give this song to my belove. My love for you will never die.

2011-02-20T01:08:00.002+08:00

Came back not long after talking to her. Mind peaceful now but still there is something not lifted. Will miss her eyes, nose, mouth, face, kiss, hug and everything. I will carry on. I shouldn't be so self-centered. If I don't, maybe we still together now. Everything is will be so different from now. No regret, will think of her at times. Want to speak to her more often. Cannot be husband and wife or lover, be bestest friend. Main objective, married her. Hahaha!! Not giving promise as we won't know what lies ahead of us. Will work toward it as my source of courage.

Actually wanted to patch back with her and hide from her mother, friends and my parent. But back then, she told me the same but i insist not to. How stupid!! Glad that she is happy with her life now. Happy to see her smile. Will do anything to see her smile and laugh to me. New boyfriend or not, remember the love I gave is not just something to throw away or keep. I just don't know how to express myself to show my care and concern. I will now declare Kiam dead for others but not for you. Will be called ZinC for others. Not even my name Jing Xian. Good night my love, as promise, will move on for a better future.

2011-02-18T22:18:00.002+08:00

Haiz!! Not free, lot of assignment. Hope she will get a good grades. Take care of yourself. When I am with her, I relax her mind most of the time. Making her happy at times to distress herself. I will continue to do that. No matter what end up in the end, I will be her guardian angel forever, even if it make me single till the end of my life. Whenever she feel sad or troubled, I will be there for her anytime, anywhere. I will try my best to make her to called me first. I won't give up the love she showed me before or I gave it to her before. No one will replace her!!

2011-02-17T18:02:00.002+08:00

Felt useless. While talking to ying, cried!! She somehow enlighten me by some of her experience. I need to walk out of this as soon as possble. Even though we can't be together, I still need to carry on. She may be enjoying her life now comparing to the time she is with me. It is hurtful to know this but is better for her this way. Relationship is a chore. I agree with that. There is alot of responsibility when come to relationship. Hope for the best to her.

I don't know why, think I got this strange ability. Whenever I got a dream, the thing I dream of, will come true in a few years. I got this dream yesterday before I wake up. I dreamt that she will have a boyfriend by one of the chinese new year. The photo will be uploaded on facebook. The guy wearing a red shirt, they are rather close. They took a group photo with the friends at her house. She is at the right side of the photo. Hope this dream don't come true. Even if it come true, either I am the person or hope that I totally get over her.

Getting emotional also no point. Hope my goals of life will come true. Doing something good for myself. I have no regret. Hope my mother is not affected by any of my things. At the same time, I really hope she will come to my house when I not around to accompany my mother.

Love you my Darlin!!

2011-02-15T23:38:00.005+08:00

Hi, I am back again. I don't know how emotional I will get when the time goes by. Will time really heal all? In my opinion, if there is a cut, the scar will always be there. If anyone tell you that, I forget about my previous love or something, that is BULL SHIT!! Understanding of true love will say this, "I have regret on not treating you well, hope you will live better." NEVER SAY THIS, "give me time to prove myself wrong, I will try you better the next time, please wait for me."

Haiz!!! How long? How long? How long will I stay this way. Nearly 4years, say good bye mean good bye. Miserable life. Nah, I won't end my life. That's so stupid!!!

Life is like a puzzle. Everything you did is a piece of puzzle. I hope I am the piece that complete her puzzle.
Quoted by: Zinc Ong
Life is like rowing a boat. Sometime you have to row forward, sometime you have to row backwards. In the end, you will still move forward.
Quoted by Peter Teo

Hope my life will be better soon. Not going to think of getting a partner now. Going to concerntrate on my dream goals. Once I succeed, I will prove the obstacle discision wrong but still really hope to get back to her. I actually plan to propose in another 2 to 3 years time. Haiz, forget it.

The start of all memories

2011-02-14T17:42:00.003+08:00

Hi, I know it been awhile since I blog. To me, telling my things on the blog is to show off. Today will be the day i show my love story to whom who read this. This may be a new beginning or end of everything in my life.

The date started on 23rd November 2004 and ended on 8th January 2011. This is the first time I see her. The day of the brand new beginning for me. She look weird then, cute and adorable but with some unwanted acne on the face. It's her period of growing. We started with a "Hi" and back to go to work. I can still remember that I purposely stay until that late for her to come to work. Why do i stay? Because, the aunties and uncles told me there's a pretty lady working at night. So with the heart of curiosity, I stay after work to see her.

From then on, I started working night. Not because I fall in love with her, just think that I can make a new friend. The second time we met, was when she was asking me to bring the trolley back from the carpark. I finish the assignment and start talking to her. Asking her particular and some personal matter. I got this habit of asking personal matter to whoever I want to make friend with. To me, knowing the background of that person, is a better ways to counter their feelings and mind.

When times goes by, we exchange phone numbers and start chatting in the night. Understanding each other and getting to know each other better. Sooner or later, I asked her to be my god-sister. I have always wanted to have a younger sister. That's why I go away to ask people to be my god-sister who I can talk comfortly.

She actually fell in love with someone else when I start having feeling for her. It's a heartaching matter as I also helpped the guy in getting her heart. They are together not long after that. It's a short relationship. I am happy and sad and jealous. During the time they are together, I force myself to get distracted by trying to date someone else. She helped me too. In the end, mine doesn't not work well.

When they broke up, her god-brother and me comfort her for awhile. She cried everyday, my heart tearing with her too. After a few months, I told her the guarentee that I can give her. The laughter I can provide. She rejected me for the first time. The reason is, she still haven't get over the previous relationship.

The happiest day happened on 3rd March 2007. Start of the new relationship and all the memories I had with her. Going out together, first movie, first restaurant entered, first hand holding, first hug, first gift, first kiss, first anniversary and first teardrop from her. I don't have the movie ticket of our first date, don't have the first dinning receipt, dun have the first gift receipt but I got the tissue of her first teardrop with me. The rest of the item, I made them into a book and give it to her. The objective is to tell her I care and I will remember the time I spend with her. Others said that is a book of receipt, telling her how much I had spent on her but she felt happy on receiving the book which delighted me. Since then, I got all the confidence that everyone is complainning about.

Things goes as what I plan for her and me until the day, she told her family of my existence. The family haven't really give me any impact but I know, she is suffering from invisible force. I tried to change myself to a better person for the family to see but it's fail. Attitude starts coming out and all my bad habit showing out to her. I am really really grateful to her for tolerating my anger and giving in to me all the time.

I get distracted easily when she called. I get frustrated when she tried to talk things out to me. I get angry when she tried to control me. This is a form of love and yet I neglected it. Two years in army, people around me telling that girlfriend will leave as we can't spend much time on them. BUT she stood still and waited for me. I promise her that I will give her a call whenever there is time. I called her every night. Even though the call is short, I still get to talk to her.

Started smoking due to peer pressure. She bought chewing gums for smoker for me. Trying to stop me from smoking. I feel happy but at the same time, got angry of her for buying things for me. I couldn't express myself for appreciation.

Every time when she buy things for me, i scold her. I hate myself for scolding her. I told her not to buy things for me as I will scold her. She refuse to take my advice and continue to buy things for me. I really like the things she give me, I really love them. Just trying to show off my 'don't care side'.

Sometime she complain to me for not wearing our ring. The reason I told her is I don't like to wear accessories. The actual facts is army don't allow accessories. The ring had never leave my side unless I go bathing even now.

She likes to sing and take photo. I cannot sing in front of the mic. I do accompany her to go sing sometime. Most of the time I don't go, because I don't want to waste money. I don't like to take picture because I don't like myself in the photo. She secretly take my photo and show it to me. SWEET!!

When she going to start school, I afraid that she will met other guys there. She give me the word that she won't leave me. When I going to start school, she scare that I will fall in love with someone else. I told her I will get someone better to replace her. I love to see her get jealous over me. So I make her jealous all the time. Telling her the things that she don't want to hear but the hurtful words is not what I meant.

I got my own way of doing things. I don't like to share my problem. She will complain and ask me to tell her. In the end she will get scolding. I don't like to hear things that I don't like and I know is the fact. I can't face it without her.

Things get complicated when her tolerance reaches the maximum. Things couldn't work well since then. At that time, I started to plan on our future. Wedding, savings anything that will involve the two of us. The day strike me. I never expect this will happen to me.

"Never give others surprise as you will always get surprise by the person you are going to give surprise". I told her this long ago and I getting the words back to me. That day, I got a meeting and I went to buy a movie ticket. The meet up is to apologise to her on the argument we had earlier on. I end my meeting early, so i went to her house to give her surprise. The surprise really surprise her. She never expect me for giving her surprise and she intend to break up. Her plan was to breakup with me after the date. I enter the house noticing nothing wrong till I sat in front of her laptop. I find it weird that she didn't sit next to me. I go to her bed to lie down and she sat in front of her laptop. I am sure something is wrong, so i started conversation with her on her laptop. I told her I will download something for her. She say ok and went back to her bed with a book. I notice she was just flipping the page and I went to her. Stopping her from leaving my sight. She start tearing and tell me why. I insist of not breaking but I fail. Leaving her house with sadness after 2 hours. She sms me with "this will be the last time, dear good bye." I know this is bad but i replied "what so good about bye? bye!"

The mother came into the picture after the breakup. Let's not talk about her mother. We actually patch after 2 days. I know she is confuse. she is confuse of being between her mother and me. I told her to find out what she want, she say she choose me. 3 days after we patch, the mother meet me and told us to get our separate ways. The day we breakup, officially 8th January 2011. It's a peaceful breakup.

Things change much since then, I told her a lot of hurtful words but I don't meant what I say. 12th February 2011, I thought that I get over her already, I thought i can survive seeing her. I didn't expect that the first sight of her, bleed my heart. I actually plan not to go for the run at Safari Zoo, I just wanted to see how she is doing, how she is feeling. So i attend the run. Really didn't exect myself being so weak with my emotion. Feeling jealous of seeing her talking to other guys happily, closing up myself from her and other group of her friend. Cabbing home, I purposely wanted to be the last to alight, to see if we can talk, I couldn't start a conversation. Teardrop in the cab home. Cried under my void deck. Called my good friend to comfort me. Didn't expect she is doing better than i expected. Felt so jealous about everything.

Sms her to take care and all. Crying while doing that. She called the next day, we talk for awhile, asking her if there a chance for us to patch. She replied "I don't think so. No matter what, my mother is still there. So the problem will be there too". From that onwards, I decided to make myself disappear in front of her. Getting missing for awhile to heal. It will not be easy.

Told my mother she is not going to attend my sister wedding due to her exam. Telling my mother not to contact her for any of our event. She ask me why and why we broke up. Tears is at the edge of rolling. I haven't told her everything, my tear start rolling and i walk to the toilet to cry while bathing.

Felt so jealous, I really afraid to receive news saying that she have a new boyfriend. I thought of sending whatever she give me, back to her. Everything!!! Photo, shirt, letter, everything!! I know is childish but I think this is the best way for me.

2009-11-14T20:47:00.002+08:00

hello!! haiz! i finally can relax. been having some slpless days. yesterday was my school CCN day. i forgot abt the full name of the event but is some carnival. its to help the ppl in need, earn some cash for them.

everything started 2 week ago when we decided to make cookies in "M" hse. after all the discussion, sat is the first day we went "M" hse to start the first batch of cookies making after we got some order and money from our customer.

alot of thing have to be done b4 go start the baking. first is buy all the things we need. like the ingredient, entertainment and food(that's for me). the ingredient is flour, butter, caster sugar, choco chip and eggs.

i not going into the making of the dough la, is abit too wu liao. after making the dough, we make the first batch of big cookies for the order. i make the icing for the writing of wording for the big cookies. everyone in the group tot i veri good in making cookies cos i work in famous amos but i m not. i not superman. i can onli trail and error to make them happy. haha. sat we do some of the cookies and wasted lot of time due to the waiting of cookies baking. as we got onli 1 oven. aft that day, some of us decided not to go home and went study together. there "B" and "P". we send "P" home while "B" drive "P" home wif me along. "P" take 10 min to take a bath and take all the book we need. after that, "B" send me home to bath and pick my things up. soon after, we reach "B" hse. he went to bath while we wait in the living room. that time was abt 1230 in the morning. no one was tire at that time. when "B" is out, tot that we leaving, he took out some food in the kitchen where "B" mother cook for him as dinner."B" took the food to the living room where we was sitting then he sit near us and start eating.

aft "B" dinner, we went off to.........coffee shop for supper. haha aft supper, really went to study. for abt 2 and a half hrs. aft that we went prawning!!!! haha. for abt 1hrs plus. go back "B" hse to collect some item and the back to "M" hse. (i skip some part of the story. i getting tire of typing).

went we reach "M" hse, everone start to get tire. "C" was no where to be found. he been called back to camp for moblisation which we dunno until that evening. so we start off wif out him. do and do and do, ppl start to fall aslp. left wif "M" and me doing the cookies. that day was "M" birthday too. so during the nitez, we celebrated "M" birthday wif her parent. aft that we went off. i also went home to slp.

monday, we delivery the cookies to sch and send out all the order for that day. aft that day, i got even more order. comment was the cookies is nice, the cookies is beautiful. so we make other arrangement to to bake the cookies. this time was in "C" hse. due to some unforeseen circumstances, we took awhile to start making cookies. i was working when thing happened. i didn ask much. when i reach there, thing get rolling already. so i join in and continue the cookies in the making. everyone have e math quiz in the morning but i dun as i exempted.we went to sch. i didn wan to take the quiz but since i in sch, just muz as well take the test. it cause no harm to me.

aft sch, we all went home. too slpy. fall aslp when i didn notice. when i woke up, i realise some homework need to be submited on fri. i start my work when i woke up from my nap. is abt 7plus. of cos i took my dinner. when i finish, the time is 4am. i quickly rush to my bed and slp. "P" was working in the homework too. we helped each other though the net.

since the first lesson is math, i skip that hrs and went sch b4 the next class start. feeling so tire, actually skip some of the lecture on that day. aft school when to make cookies again. make them till morning again. go sch, there, the event reach the climate. sold out all the cookies of my group hard work. veri well done. got some profit. now still need me to finish counting the expenses. i haven start the counting. i m too tire till i actually late for work today. nvm, at least now i m here typing haha.

2009-11-01T03:32:00.003+08:00

hello once again. it's rare for me to be online at this time. just got to finish the work that the lecturer give us. i starting to wonder, am i really fit to work and study now? before the school start i been looking forward to work. now the school start, i felt more willing to go school then work. actually i scare of going to work. when i go work, i think of my homework, the time i wasted on working for that extra cash. if i dun get a GPA of 4 in this sem, i dunno wat action i will take to improve my study. someday ago, i really hope that weekend dun come. cos i will focus more on work then homework. somemore the term test coming. i dunno wat i going to do. christmas coming too. i got no time for my friends, girlfriend.

maybe quiting is a good idea but where can i get money from? my mother? i dun wish to. it been 6yrs of working and living on my own. no extra cash, got work got money, no work no money. maybe i shd go back NTUC to work. it may not be that stressful and i can plan my schedule as i like.

if i do that, then effort from steven will gone to waste. he intro me to this job and i promise to work till i finish poly. if i quit now, i feel guilty.

PRIDE, TIME, MONEY. i can't lose 1 of them. i can't be selfish. will see how it work out after the my school CCN Day.

2009-10-24T11:22:00.002+08:00

it's been so long since i blog. notice alot of people been dropping by my blog to check if there any update. thanks for the support haha. as most people know that i have start schooling in Temask Poly. it's have been quite fun in the school. laughter and more laughter in the class.

i actually felt scare of not coping with my study. i have to work and study. this time is different from my ITE life. the life here is more stressful then what i can imagine. for example, i went to engineering mathematics class and the lecturer give a few question to do after the explaination. i thought i can do it easily as usual BUT i was stunt when i look at the question. i stare at the paper for about 2 minutes. the lecturer saw me looking at the paper and doing nothing then came to me to help in the question. i can understand the question and i seen the question before. just that i can't get my brain working to solve that simple question. i am so disappointed in myself.

2009-07-08T19:47:00.003+08:00

i am so frustrated by this. Everytime the same thing happen to me. is it true that all father have more expectation toward sons. they like to find son fault to say lo.

yesterday went to darlin house for dinner. before that went to have movie at golden village. after the movie went to meet darlin's mother who wanted to buy things in supermarket. met Andrew and Zhuo Jie buying bee hoon for dinner in the supermarket. all of a sudden, talk about playing badminton. after dinner at darlin house, went to have badminton session. haven't been working out for long so sure got muscle ache.

this morning really can't wake up due to the exercise. been slacking at home since its muscle is aching. JUST NOW told my mother about the muscle aching. HE quickly walk over and ask WHY!! my mother of cause say the matter to HIM. HIS comment is "OF CAUSE LA, STAY AT HOME PLAY COMPUTER THEN PLAY PS2." "LIE DOWN THEN DO NOTHING OF CAUSE MUSCLE ACHE LO." I'm so pissed lo. i sure talk back ma, saying:"I YESTERDAY WENT FOR BADMINTON SESSION." "MUSCLE OF CAUSE ACHING LA. THINK I DO NOTHING MEH!!" "NEXT TIME GOT ANYTHING I DON'T SAY BETTER LA." felt so AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

2009-06-27T14:14:00.002+08:00

i super super suay!! haven't so suay before. thursday lost my keys, ytd break my thumb drive and today sure kana 4D de. kns so angry lo. lost key already very emo liao then come the breaking of my thumb drive. how to work? in the end, have to buy new thumb drive. btw every1 rmb dun buy toshiba de thuimb drive. got alot of problem and it break easily.

2009-06-14T12:43:00.002+08:00

how's the life of the soulless mate? i have a tiring wk. tot i can have a wonderful wk end. i was planning to slp for the whole Sunday but there some other plan spoil the plan of mine. it's ok for me.

since Monday, got a new job. working in TP now. helping to change all the lecturer comp in the staff room. start in engineering school. all of the female lecturer will tok to me abt myself. asking me to continue study in TP, then giving me suggestion for course i wanna take and all la. they willing to help me to get to second yrs in TP. feel so honour haha. there some male lecturer will be more erh...what we called naughty(hokkien). they will be more demanding then female lo. there a particular lecturer is like veri typically singaporean. this and that he wan. luckily i not the 1 doing his comp changing. yah btw, first day work, i got to do my first comp in 3 hrs. at the end of the day, i finish 3 comp. there another guy wif me, same as me first day of work. he onli got 2 comp done in 1 day. then the next day i hear be being sack. cos he too slow!!!

tues got another came. he is even faster then me. but too bad monday i counted as a confirm temp liao. done a total of 16 comp. have to finish 440 comp in a month. if can do it, there a incentive for the team. hope we can make it lo. hope all the lecturer be more obedient and follow wat we ask them to do.

ytd quite tire. i got up iin the morning for driving lesson. at abt 1330 meet jy and jacin for lunch b4 going to zz de commission parde. as usual jy late la but nvm lo. haiz!!! went to eat duck rice and have some dessert. abt 1430, meet zz's mother and she's late haha. nvm, we got onto the train, and i fall aslp lo. i rmb while i slping got knock into some1 else too. bo bian too tire. when reach boon lay, i wake up automatically. i scare they leave me alone. we reach at abt 1535. it's too early so we when for dessert again.

took taxi into safti. there bus for us to go to the parade square. we reach the parade square at 1700. the parade start at 1741. happy to see zz being commission. i realise that in loyang 5a1, zz is the onli 1 go for ocs and he the kind of anti drills and uniform de ppl de lo. haiz!!!

aft the parade got dinner wif all the officer.

jy got paranoid thoughout the day. can't control her. zz invited her for the parade but she gone missing when we r ask to put rank for the officer. she totally dun care abt zz lo. her mind onli got yd. haiz we all understand ritez. so nvm lo haha.

my hse pipe leak. cleaning up the toilet and kitchen today. so on the 18th, the contractor can start working in the toilet.

2009-06-07T10:48:00.002+08:00

everyone enjoying wkend? i not really enjoying. btw i got a new job already. i not going to IT show this thurs. i work under my sister company. at a temp part time. its project base lo. so i going TP tml to start my work in the company. my job scope is juz do some comp stuff and its done. haha

2009-06-02T21:54:00.000+08:00

title: This Is Real, This Is Me
song by: Joe Jonas & Demi Lovato

2009-06-01T21:16:00.002+08:00

oh!!! my 150th posts haha! that's called for a celebration. hmm ok was totally sick out here. think cannot get used to be at home for so long. erh, yes everyone going ORD in 4days. somehow happy and rather lost. what m i going to do? hehe, got a job in tampines 1 shopping centre.

got a called ytd asking me to go Toa Payoh for interview. i actually went to the wrong building and almost late for the interview. lucky i clever enough to walk around the place and find the correct address.

got to the building at abt 1300hrs. get interview at abt 1313hrs. nvm the waiting. erh, got a little chat wif the boss. actually the boss the most is 5 yrs older then me onli lo. veri veri young. he ask me abt wat u like abt this job. haha, when he ask tis qns, i was stunt. cannot ans him. luckily, a contracter asking to tok to him. so the subject was dropped. the boss ask me to job them in sorting out the goods for the up coming IT show. so i will appear in the IT show. if any1 wanna buy WII, PS3, new editing of psp that juz crack abt 3 days ago, i think can get a cheap price. juz rmb to find me at tenchi company in IT show.

k still feeling not veri good since sunday. i even skipped my driving lesson. i really cannot tahan the pain. then ytd i notice, i onli got 3 more lesson to my TP. i have to wait till i recover b4 calling my instructor.

2009-05-28T11:02:00.004+08:00

its been awhile since i blogged liao. the life of slacking everyday is drawing to an end. time to pay back to the economy liao. i started looking for job since last week. the result of the job search is not veri good.

in my mind i wanna work in "Home Fix" at Tampines 1 shopping centre. when i went over there, the staff told me that their interview is not done there. they give me the address of the interview place. when i see look at the address, i was really stunned. i didn't noe where is tt place. so i chose not to go for the interview. since i was bored, i started walking around the shopping centre for other jobs.

i saw "Challenger". thought their interview will be at there. so i walk in and ask the cashier. the cashier is a china lady. English not veri good but can understand. she told me that their interview is at Funan the IT mail. so i gave up looking for job there. then i saw NUM(New Urban Male) went there to ask. the result is the same. their interview at Hereen! haiz, so i walk lifelessly toward the top floor of the shopping centre.

at the last floor, i saw tis veri shop. its black wif pink wordings. the shop name is "Tenchi" its a Japanese figurine shop. i walked in and asked if they needed people to work there. the person gave me an application form to fill in and started interviewing me. yah. i so happy of cos. the working hrs is 11am to 10pm. the salary is 1200. for me its ok la. since i need job so i dun care it pay how much lo. the person told me that the boos will called me in 2 days time. so i happliy go back home to wait. i waited for 3 days. the phone didn rang at all. so i went back to the shop aft waiting for 3 days. the person told me that the boss is overseas. he will be back on sat. then bo bian i wait again lo. until sunday, he still never called me. haiz

ytd went to golden village to ask for job. juz fill in application lo. then i went home liao. while i walking toward golden village, i saw seoul garden wanna hire full timer. dunno today wanna try soeul garden for the job anot. haiz haiz haiz. headache la. of there job around tampines i will take it for $1200. if wanna me go further to work, i hope can draw a salary of $1400~ $1500.

2009-05-03T15:51:00.003+08:00

hmm, quite happy to see zz ytd. although ytd quite scare to see him, it turn out fine. haha, was angry and happy ytd during the meet after sending darlin home. complain abit of this and that then laughing at own joke and all haha.

think gonna complain something at home. ever since i reach home on friday, didn felt at home at all. some1 in the house showing attitude to me and he comment everything i do or sae. didn quite liked him. he won't sae so much at home, he noe he got no much stand at home but he keep commenting on me. pin pointing everything on me. even when darlin at home, he didn't give me any space to stand at the house. didn't put it to heart but if he continue to do this, i can't control my emotion more longer. since morning till now he commented 2 times, today dunno how many time he will complain and comment again.

this is the onli wk i being quite rude to him. every comment he sae i shoot directly back to him. something the day i m too lazy to sae him back. think he noe how to stop but NO!!! haiz.

another wk have gone. time and day getting near to the final dash in the race of 2 yrs. things have to do, has to do it fast b4 the end of the brotherhood life. from stranger to friend, from friend to buddies, some from friend to enemies and some from buddies to friends. things changes during the time u doesn't notice. ppl gain and lose at the same time. who noes, u may lose something impt to u in a second.

final things actually is a advice. don't get addicted to everything in life. got a cal from darlin juz now. some1 is doing things i dun like again. hope he dun get overboard. if not things i sae b4 will happen.

2009-04-26T17:15:00.002+08:00

its been awhile since i blog. wanna take a short time to blog abt last wk de, but u cant find time for myself to do any. getting too bz b4 i end the life of being control. btw i fail my FTT on the 17th, so sad ritez haha. nvm i got a new date to pass my FTT in 19th may.

went for facial treatment at ching wei hse on 18th afternoon. getting my face oil pimple off. from 3 down to 1 oil pimple on the face liao haha. at the same time get a mask to get my face smoother haha, like gal lo but i dun care wat ppl sae. after facial, rush down to darlin hse for dinner wif her parent. i was veri late cos the bus la. haiz, so the whole family have to wait for me b4 they leave the hse for dinner. forget where is the place we have dinner but is not a unfamiliar hawker centre. after dinner went for a walk at "mustafa" (spell correctly?) . walk walk walk, b4 going back, we have "teh talei" and wat they cal "tissue prata". that day then i realise there a difference in "tissue prata" and "paper thosai". soon after finish, darlin father drive me home.

19th, went to retake my elder sister's gradation photo at bedok. yes retake, veri troublesome. the uncle technique not veri good but sae we not relax. so have to retake. the me in the pic is like 1 fatty but lump guy wearing a coat over it. so ugly kns. *angry*

24th, book out early and went to TD2 again. got angry wif my parent for not wanting me to go. at first dun wan to tell them where i going de, as i noe wats their reaction. in the end i happen to tell them then the conversation started.
mother: y muz go there?
father: there veri messy de!
father: no money liao still wanna go there spent money.
me: u all alway dun let me go here and there, than where i find friend?
me: alway dun let me go out at nitez, than got friend also won't ask me out.
5 min later......
mother: dun go till veri late.
i didn go long. abt 1plus i went home. cos kinda tire aft a long wk.

25th, did some downloading of games for psp then go darlin hse. y keep going to her hse? she having exam then dun wan her to waste time coming to my hse so take the initiative to go her hse lo. think nxt wk dun need go liao. haha o btw ytd nitez went to marina square for dinner at crystal jade kitchen. the dinner fill my stomach and darlin parent tot i dun have enough for dinner, keep asking me wanna have more anot. so paiseh lo. haha, erh aft a short walk then darlin father drive me home again.

26th, sitting in front of my comp blogging. yes i dun like going out on sunday. like to stay at home to have homemade dinner. actually i like homemade dinner rather then eating outside in restaurant or hawker centre.

2009-04-09T21:07:00.002+08:00

the day is so weak for me. felt veri tire today. did lots of things yet little rest. haven been studying for my final theory test and yet the day is drawing near to my doom day. really really tire. o btw not going taiwan wif my parent anymore. they didn wanna go. haiz, can understand cos if we going, how much my parent going to pay? told them that i will pay for my hotel and expenses therebut asking them to pay for my ticket. hmm, nvm la, i fine wif it.

today U channel got 世界那么大. showing the life in japan and the worklife of people in japan. actually i been wanting to go japan to see and walk around. NOT BCOS OF STUPID NONSENSE!!!! really wanna see japan. haha yah, got money meh? OF COS no la. haiz. if can go japan, it will be my happiest day till now. not asking for anything!!!!

2009-03-27T12:04:00.000+08:00

juz now blog half way, my comp shut off. dun feel like blogging liao

2009-03-14T21:54:00.002+08:00

yeah, ytd clubbing not veri bad but i still dun like clubbing. hehe, got to take pic wif Eileen wee the lady frm army daze as "AH HUI". she veri hot lo haha!!! erh, dun think she acting liao. she maybe in the line of event organising. nvm abt that haiz!!!

aft St. James power hse, went to thai disco 2 again! was hungry so had a bowl of noodle outside the disco. i order pork noodle (soup) but didn relies is beef soup. so today have a veri pleasure day visiting toilet. dunno since when got this kind of problem, eating beef will have stomachache. ytd thai disco too many ppl. there not enough sit for every1. so a handful of us have to stand. hmm, i still like the thai disco performance. veri enjoying. if not for today i will not leave that early ytd. got called frm chng ytd saying wanna go pub or clubbing but pw dun allow. haha, nv la i also dun allow stef to go but the time will come soon. when every1 free, then go as a big grp n enjoy lo.

ytd slpt at 0130hrs. so today wake up at 1200hrs. was late meeting stef AGAIN!!! forgot to ask my mother to wake me up. so rush down to orchard. hmm, nothing much la walk long, tok alot, quarrel awhile, complain something n shop abit. while walking feel tire liao so suggest to watch movie. watch RACE TO THE WITCH MOUNTIAN. veri nice lei!!!! oh, have to sae this. ziv sae me lo. sae i nv buy present for my gf as today our anni. he say if he is her, he will break up wif me. kns, tml u dun ask us to meet to go camp. if not, u noe la hor!!!!!

OMG!!! left $120 in bank to last me till 10 april. i going to die liao. going for facial on 21st at ching wei hse, then got 3 march baby n 1 april baby b4 my pay. siao liao lo. think dun go out for the rest of the month til i got my pay. if not i going to eat shit liao. somemore wonderful things is my cousin baby 1 month old. haiz siao liao siao liao.

2009-03-13T12:08:00.003+08:00

halo halo!!! today got big event at power house at abt 1930hrs. later meeting ziv n gang to go suntec IT fair. aft that go eat dinner at some random place then go over to vivocity. now raining, dunno wat time it will stop. i have to go out to meet them de lo. haiz!!!

tml celebrating 2yrs wif stef. confirm going to somewhere i dun like--- shopping!!! promise liao so juz go lo. maybe i will be the 1 going to buy things haha! hmm, going orchard shopping then have dinner there. i got the place to eat liao. is not veri expensive place but thinking abt my financal spending, is ex haha.

nxt sat going ching wei hse facial. jy gang going to east coast for cycling but not joining lo. bo bian! so i maybe free. my friend of mine is in the insurance line. i might buy the policy cos the benefit is not bad. i will find time to meet her to see her planning for me. it's a saving cum wat wat wat de. i forgot liao, once i meet her let every1 noe la. yah yah go back to facial thingy. it cost abt $28 than is at his hse. dunno how long will it take to cure my oil pimp!

oh, forgot to tell that i book my FTT liao. is on the 17 april so wish me luck k

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! rain so heavy how to go out? cant even see my opposite blk lo. go bath liao than go out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! roger out!