Saturday, February 26, 2011
Yah I know, is the second post for today. Just finish another conversation with her. She told me this, if i can't get over, she will be the bad person not picking up my call and replying my msg. Yes, I cried. So what?
Being tire of this relationship, don't want to look back at this relationship, don't feel the love. To me, a thing that is harder to get, it prove it's value of it. Sorry I can't let go. True that we don't know what will happen in the future.
You said that we still can be friend but you will feel wield if you going to tell me you have a new boyfriend. You keep telling me that this is how you tell yourself to move on but to me, this is how I cannot give up on you.
Your friend told you to not contact me but my friend ask me to get you back. To you is a sweet memorise but to me, I don't want it to be a memorise. If you ignore my call or sms, I will hate myself forever. I am the source of all this problem. I know the problem, I choose to ignore it and think that, if i leave it as it is, it will not come out again.
As I said before, JY already said there is no chance to be together anymore, I just want to try my luck to get back to you. Yes, if we get back, I will give in to you but is it love? I seriously don't know how to handle emotion. I alway scold you being too emotional. Now, no one will say I am being to emotional.
I think I repeat this a lot of time, I hope this is final. Still hope there is another time but if not, from now on, I won't scold you, torture you, kiss you, hug you, make you laugh, wish you all the best for your "looked-forward" new relationship.
Pasir Ris Drive 6, give me 2 time of heartache. Think this will be the last time. Please, when I am ok, go out with me. Just let me see how are you. That's all, I won't ask for much. Thank you!! Good luck!!
Being tire of this relationship, don't want to look back at this relationship, don't feel the love. To me, a thing that is harder to get, it prove it's value of it. Sorry I can't let go. True that we don't know what will happen in the future.
You said that we still can be friend but you will feel wield if you going to tell me you have a new boyfriend. You keep telling me that this is how you tell yourself to move on but to me, this is how I cannot give up on you.
Your friend told you to not contact me but my friend ask me to get you back. To you is a sweet memorise but to me, I don't want it to be a memorise. If you ignore my call or sms, I will hate myself forever. I am the source of all this problem. I know the problem, I choose to ignore it and think that, if i leave it as it is, it will not come out again.
As I said before, JY already said there is no chance to be together anymore, I just want to try my luck to get back to you. Yes, if we get back, I will give in to you but is it love? I seriously don't know how to handle emotion. I alway scold you being too emotional. Now, no one will say I am being to emotional.
I think I repeat this a lot of time, I hope this is final. Still hope there is another time but if not, from now on, I won't scold you, torture you, kiss you, hug you, make you laugh, wish you all the best for your "looked-forward" new relationship.
Pasir Ris Drive 6, give me 2 time of heartache. Think this will be the last time. Please, when I am ok, go out with me. Just let me see how are you. That's all, I won't ask for much. Thank you!! Good luck!!
I find it stupid. Can't concentrate at all. I keep thinking that she will msg me or call me. I been sitting next to my phone. She don't feel anything? I may go crazy anytime. Why would this happen? I wanted to meet her again but I think I shouldn't. Friends...............................Shit now again.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Seriously I don't understand. This few days, I keep thinking about what Wendy said to me. What she said make her look bad but I cannot denied what Wendy's said may be true. I hope that is not true.
"To be frank to you. I only wanna treat you as a friend k. dun need to do anything with me in mind la. I very stressed..." This is very hurtful. Why want to treat me as friend? You think what your mother said is true? How about the promise and the forever? Oh my god!!! This is all BULL SHIT!! What is love? To my conclusion, love is a form of regret and sadness. FUCK THEM ALL!!
AS I SAID, I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!!! FUCK ALL THE LOVE!!!! LOVE IS JUST A FORM OF USING EACH OTHER WILLINGLY. I WILL LOOK DOWN ON LOVE NOW!!!!
JY said this "otl, it fix liao. u both cannot get back together already. just move on." is it true? I need an answer. She told me this, focing each other to be together will no be happy. She give me an example of her friend/cousin. They break and patch, than get married and divorce after few years. I got an example in mind, there is people, who break and get marry and live happily together. Haiz!! My dream, my future. GONE!!! FUCK MY LIFE.
"To be frank to you. I only wanna treat you as a friend k. dun need to do anything with me in mind la. I very stressed..." This is very hurtful. Why want to treat me as friend? You think what your mother said is true? How about the promise and the forever? Oh my god!!! This is all BULL SHIT!! What is love? To my conclusion, love is a form of regret and sadness. FUCK THEM ALL!!
AS I SAID, I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!!! FUCK ALL THE LOVE!!!! LOVE IS JUST A FORM OF USING EACH OTHER WILLINGLY. I WILL LOOK DOWN ON LOVE NOW!!!!
JY said this "otl, it fix liao. u both cannot get back together already. just move on." is it true? I need an answer. She told me this, focing each other to be together will no be happy. She give me an example of her friend/cousin. They break and patch, than get married and divorce after few years. I got an example in mind, there is people, who break and get marry and live happily together. Haiz!! My dream, my future. GONE!!! FUCK MY LIFE.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Once my friend ask me this, where will u put your girlfriend in place where you have friend to put, study to consider and money to think of. I told her this, friend will take 60%, study take 30% and 10% will be money. Than she asked, Where u going to put your girlfriend when is 100%? I replied, She will alway be by my side. When i got nothing to think of, she will be my 100%. Missing!!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Trying my best not to msg her today. Cannot control myself. In the end, just have a small chat with her and she went to bed.
Friends. Can couple turn themselves back to good friends or best friend after what they been through together? I cannot guarantee that now but will try to prove that. Still, hope to get back together. My parent already made her their daughter-in-law.
Now not going to talk about this since is over for the time being. Let work towards my goals now. Telling one of my friend about my goal. He feel what I think is not a bad idea. Getting people around to understand my goal and for them accepting the fact of my goal. I taking a big step out. I will try to look into more detail of my goal. If that goal of mine really happen, I will be making big money. What's my goal? Once I reach my goal, I don't have to explain to you all anymore. Wait and see. I will really do up a proposal for my goal. I will get people around me to invest. Not going ask big company to finance my goal.
I still wondering want to continue my study after my poly. Everyone around me asking me to continue. Previously, I wanted to go uni is due to her. Now, the source of on-going is not there anymore. Can say I lose interest in studying already. Nah, never mind. Take each step at a time. Will come to a decision somehow. Let time take it course.
Friends. Can couple turn themselves back to good friends or best friend after what they been through together? I cannot guarantee that now but will try to prove that. Still, hope to get back together. My parent already made her their daughter-in-law.
Now not going to talk about this since is over for the time being. Let work towards my goals now. Telling one of my friend about my goal. He feel what I think is not a bad idea. Getting people around to understand my goal and for them accepting the fact of my goal. I taking a big step out. I will try to look into more detail of my goal. If that goal of mine really happen, I will be making big money. What's my goal? Once I reach my goal, I don't have to explain to you all anymore. Wait and see. I will really do up a proposal for my goal. I will get people around me to invest. Not going ask big company to finance my goal.
I still wondering want to continue my study after my poly. Everyone around me asking me to continue. Previously, I wanted to go uni is due to her. Now, the source of on-going is not there anymore. Can say I lose interest in studying already. Nah, never mind. Take each step at a time. Will come to a decision somehow. Let time take it course.
Monday, February 21, 2011
tearing while reading.
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me..........by James Ong
During the day, I will be the umbrella that protect you from the blazing sun. In the noon, I will feed you with the food I can find in the desert. In the evening, I will be the blanket to accompany you and be the light to shine, warm and protect you from the dark........by Kiam Ong
Life is full of advantage. High and low, Strong and weak. Things may wish to get and don't wish to get. Things happen in their way of life. Let it go, life will be better.......by Zinc Ong
Came out from the same person but in his different stage of life. People who know him, will know at which stage is James, Kiam and Zinc. Going to let go after today. It's will be no regret but memories. Thank you!!!
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me..........by James Ong
During the day, I will be the umbrella that protect you from the blazing sun. In the noon, I will feed you with the food I can find in the desert. In the evening, I will be the blanket to accompany you and be the light to shine, warm and protect you from the dark........by Kiam Ong
Life is full of advantage. High and low, Strong and weak. Things may wish to get and don't wish to get. Things happen in their way of life. Let it go, life will be better.......by Zinc Ong
Came out from the same person but in his different stage of life. People who know him, will know at which stage is James, Kiam and Zinc. Going to let go after today. It's will be no regret but memories. Thank you!!!
Cried yesterday nitez. Find myself hopeless and useless. Others say I look mature and do things in a well-mannered ways. I think come to relationship, I cannot handle them. Human tend to treasure something when they lose it.
Comments from others that i should not think too much and step out of it. Going out with friend will helps. I do understand that, but how about when I going to bed? Won't I think it again? No chance of patching. Even if i try very hard. I really cannot take it anymore. I know what everyone wants to tell me, I understand that too. I just need some third party to say it in my face. Chng and Chong have already told me that, I treat her badly, there will not be a chance for me to get her back. Saying thing, I feel like crying again. Haiz!!
Not that I not good, she is very tire of this relationship of 4 years. Should let her rest. Let her do what she is enjoying now. Troubling her will make her do something that you won't want it to happen.
I think I should change all the miss, to my source of exercising. I really want her to come back. I will take a big step out after today as promise. The second step may take very long because I still love you. My love to you will never decrease. I can guranttee that sentence for 1 year, 10 year or the rest of my life.
Comments from others that i should not think too much and step out of it. Going out with friend will helps. I do understand that, but how about when I going to bed? Won't I think it again? No chance of patching. Even if i try very hard. I really cannot take it anymore. I know what everyone wants to tell me, I understand that too. I just need some third party to say it in my face. Chng and Chong have already told me that, I treat her badly, there will not be a chance for me to get her back. Saying thing, I feel like crying again. Haiz!!
Not that I not good, she is very tire of this relationship of 4 years. Should let her rest. Let her do what she is enjoying now. Troubling her will make her do something that you won't want it to happen.
I think I should change all the miss, to my source of exercising. I really want her to come back. I will take a big step out after today as promise. The second step may take very long because I still love you. My love to you will never decrease. I can guranttee that sentence for 1 year, 10 year or the rest of my life.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Title: Tell Laura I Love Her Artist: Ray Peterson
Laura and Tommy were lovers
He wanted to give her everything
Flowers, presents,
But most of all, a wedding ring
He saw a sign for a stock car race
A thousand dollar prize it read
He couldn't get Laura on the phone
So to her mother, Tommy said
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura I may be late
I've somthing to do, that cannot wait
He drive his car to the racing grounds
He was the youngest driver there
The crowed roared as they started the race
Around the tracj they drove at a deadly pace
No one knows what happened that day
Or how his car overtuned un flames
But as they pulled him from the twisted wreck
With his dying breath, they heard him say
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die
Now in chapel when Laura prays
For her poor Tommy, who passed away
It was just for Laura he lived and died
Alone in the chapel she can hear him cry
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die
I know this is stupid but going to give this song to my belove. My love for you will never die.
Laura and Tommy were lovers
He wanted to give her everything
Flowers, presents,
But most of all, a wedding ring
He saw a sign for a stock car race
A thousand dollar prize it read
He couldn't get Laura on the phone
So to her mother, Tommy said
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura I may be late
I've somthing to do, that cannot wait
He drive his car to the racing grounds
He was the youngest driver there
The crowed roared as they started the race
Around the tracj they drove at a deadly pace
No one knows what happened that day
Or how his car overtuned un flames
But as they pulled him from the twisted wreck
With his dying breath, they heard him say
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die
Now in chapel when Laura prays
For her poor Tommy, who passed away
It was just for Laura he lived and died
Alone in the chapel she can hear him cry
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die
I know this is stupid but going to give this song to my belove. My love for you will never die.
Came back not long after talking to her. Mind peaceful now but still there is something not lifted. Will miss her eyes, nose, mouth, face, kiss, hug and everything. I will carry on. I shouldn't be so self-centered. If I don't, maybe we still together now. Everything is will be so different from now. No regret, will think of her at times. Want to speak to her more often. Cannot be husband and wife or lover, be bestest friend. Main objective, married her. Hahaha!! Not giving promise as we won't know what lies ahead of us. Will work toward it as my source of courage.
Actually wanted to patch back with her and hide from her mother, friends and my parent. But back then, she told me the same but i insist not to. How stupid!! Glad that she is happy with her life now. Happy to see her smile. Will do anything to see her smile and laugh to me. New boyfriend or not, remember the love I gave is not just something to throw away or keep. I just don't know how to express myself to show my care and concern. I will now declare Kiam dead for others but not for you. Will be called ZinC for others. Not even my name Jing Xian. Good night my love, as promise, will move on for a better future.
Actually wanted to patch back with her and hide from her mother, friends and my parent. But back then, she told me the same but i insist not to. How stupid!! Glad that she is happy with her life now. Happy to see her smile. Will do anything to see her smile and laugh to me. New boyfriend or not, remember the love I gave is not just something to throw away or keep. I just don't know how to express myself to show my care and concern. I will now declare Kiam dead for others but not for you. Will be called ZinC for others. Not even my name Jing Xian. Good night my love, as promise, will move on for a better future.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Haiz!! Not free, lot of assignment. Hope she will get a good grades. Take care of yourself. When I am with her, I relax her mind most of the time. Making her happy at times to distress herself. I will continue to do that. No matter what end up in the end, I will be her guardian angel forever, even if it make me single till the end of my life. Whenever she feel sad or troubled, I will be there for her anytime, anywhere. I will try my best to make her to called me first. I won't give up the love she showed me before or I gave it to her before. No one will replace her!!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Felt useless. While talking to ying, cried!! She somehow enlighten me by some of her experience. I need to walk out of this as soon as possble. Even though we can't be together, I still need to carry on. She may be enjoying her life now comparing to the time she is with me. It is hurtful to know this but is better for her this way. Relationship is a chore. I agree with that. There is alot of responsibility when come to relationship. Hope for the best to her.
I don't know why, think I got this strange ability. Whenever I got a dream, the thing I dream of, will come true in a few years. I got this dream yesterday before I wake up. I dreamt that she will have a boyfriend by one of the chinese new year. The photo will be uploaded on facebook. The guy wearing a red shirt, they are rather close. They took a group photo with the friends at her house. She is at the right side of the photo. Hope this dream don't come true. Even if it come true, either I am the person or hope that I totally get over her.
Getting emotional also no point. Hope my goals of life will come true. Doing something good for myself. I have no regret. Hope my mother is not affected by any of my things. At the same time, I really hope she will come to my house when I not around to accompany my mother.
Love you my Darlin!!
I don't know why, think I got this strange ability. Whenever I got a dream, the thing I dream of, will come true in a few years. I got this dream yesterday before I wake up. I dreamt that she will have a boyfriend by one of the chinese new year. The photo will be uploaded on facebook. The guy wearing a red shirt, they are rather close. They took a group photo with the friends at her house. She is at the right side of the photo. Hope this dream don't come true. Even if it come true, either I am the person or hope that I totally get over her.
Getting emotional also no point. Hope my goals of life will come true. Doing something good for myself. I have no regret. Hope my mother is not affected by any of my things. At the same time, I really hope she will come to my house when I not around to accompany my mother.
Love you my Darlin!!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Hi, I am back again. I don't know how emotional I will get when the time goes by. Will time really heal all? In my opinion, if there is a cut, the scar will always be there. If anyone tell you that, I forget about my previous love or something, that is BULL SHIT!! Understanding of true love will say this, "I have regret on not treating you well, hope you will live better." NEVER SAY THIS, "give me time to prove myself wrong, I will try you better the next time, please wait for me."
Haiz!!! How long? How long? How long will I stay this way. Nearly 4years, say good bye mean good bye. Miserable life. Nah, I won't end my life. That's so stupid!!!
Life is like a puzzle. Everything you did is a piece of puzzle. I hope I am the piece that complete her puzzle.
Quoted by: Zinc Ong
Life is like rowing a boat. Sometime you have to row forward, sometime you have to row backwards. In the end, you will still move forward.
Quoted by Peter Teo
Hope my life will be better soon. Not going to think of getting a partner now. Going to concerntrate on my dream goals. Once I succeed, I will prove the obstacle discision wrong but still really hope to get back to her. I actually plan to propose in another 2 to 3 years time. Haiz, forget it.
Haiz!!! How long? How long? How long will I stay this way. Nearly 4years, say good bye mean good bye. Miserable life. Nah, I won't end my life. That's so stupid!!!
Life is like a puzzle. Everything you did is a piece of puzzle. I hope I am the piece that complete her puzzle.
Quoted by: Zinc Ong
Life is like rowing a boat. Sometime you have to row forward, sometime you have to row backwards. In the end, you will still move forward.
Quoted by Peter Teo
Hope my life will be better soon. Not going to think of getting a partner now. Going to concerntrate on my dream goals. Once I succeed, I will prove the obstacle discision wrong but still really hope to get back to her. I actually plan to propose in another 2 to 3 years time. Haiz, forget it.
Monday, February 14, 2011
The start of all memories
Hi, I know it been awhile since I blog. To me, telling my things on the blog is to show off. Today will be the day i show my love story to whom who read this. This may be a new beginning or end of everything in my life.
The date started on 23rd November 2004 and ended on 8th January 2011. This is the first time I see her. The day of the brand new beginning for me. She look weird then, cute and adorable but with some unwanted acne on the face. It's her period of growing. We started with a "Hi" and back to go to work. I can still remember that I purposely stay until that late for her to come to work. Why do i stay? Because, the aunties and uncles told me there's a pretty lady working at night. So with the heart of curiosity, I stay after work to see her.
From then on, I started working night. Not because I fall in love with her, just think that I can make a new friend. The second time we met, was when she was asking me to bring the trolley back from the carpark. I finish the assignment and start talking to her. Asking her particular and some personal matter. I got this habit of asking personal matter to whoever I want to make friend with. To me, knowing the background of that person, is a better ways to counter their feelings and mind.
When times goes by, we exchange phone numbers and start chatting in the night. Understanding each other and getting to know each other better. Sooner or later, I asked her to be my god-sister. I have always wanted to have a younger sister. That's why I go away to ask people to be my god-sister who I can talk comfortly.
She actually fell in love with someone else when I start having feeling for her. It's a heartaching matter as I also helpped the guy in getting her heart. They are together not long after that. It's a short relationship. I am happy and sad and jealous. During the time they are together, I force myself to get distracted by trying to date someone else. She helped me too. In the end, mine doesn't not work well.
When they broke up, her god-brother and me comfort her for awhile. She cried everyday, my heart tearing with her too. After a few months, I told her the guarentee that I can give her. The laughter I can provide. She rejected me for the first time. The reason is, she still haven't get over the previous relationship.
The happiest day happened on 3rd March 2007. Start of the new relationship and all the memories I had with her. Going out together, first movie, first restaurant entered, first hand holding, first hug, first gift, first kiss, first anniversary and first teardrop from her. I don't have the movie ticket of our first date, don't have the first dinning receipt, dun have the first gift receipt but I got the tissue of her first teardrop with me. The rest of the item, I made them into a book and give it to her. The objective is to tell her I care and I will remember the time I spend with her. Others said that is a book of receipt, telling her how much I had spent on her but she felt happy on receiving the book which delighted me. Since then, I got all the confidence that everyone is complainning about.
Things goes as what I plan for her and me until the day, she told her family of my existence. The family haven't really give me any impact but I know, she is suffering from invisible force. I tried to change myself to a better person for the family to see but it's fail. Attitude starts coming out and all my bad habit showing out to her. I am really really grateful to her for tolerating my anger and giving in to me all the time.
I get distracted easily when she called. I get frustrated when she tried to talk things out to me. I get angry when she tried to control me. This is a form of love and yet I neglected it. Two years in army, people around me telling that girlfriend will leave as we can't spend much time on them. BUT she stood still and waited for me. I promise her that I will give her a call whenever there is time. I called her every night. Even though the call is short, I still get to talk to her.
Started smoking due to peer pressure. She bought chewing gums for smoker for me. Trying to stop me from smoking. I feel happy but at the same time, got angry of her for buying things for me. I couldn't express myself for appreciation.
Every time when she buy things for me, i scold her. I hate myself for scolding her. I told her not to buy things for me as I will scold her. She refuse to take my advice and continue to buy things for me. I really like the things she give me, I really love them. Just trying to show off my 'don't care side'.
Sometime she complain to me for not wearing our ring. The reason I told her is I don't like to wear accessories. The actual facts is army don't allow accessories. The ring had never leave my side unless I go bathing even now.
She likes to sing and take photo. I cannot sing in front of the mic. I do accompany her to go sing sometime. Most of the time I don't go, because I don't want to waste money. I don't like to take picture because I don't like myself in the photo. She secretly take my photo and show it to me. SWEET!!
When she going to start school, I afraid that she will met other guys there. She give me the word that she won't leave me. When I going to start school, she scare that I will fall in love with someone else. I told her I will get someone better to replace her. I love to see her get jealous over me. So I make her jealous all the time. Telling her the things that she don't want to hear but the hurtful words is not what I meant.
I got my own way of doing things. I don't like to share my problem. She will complain and ask me to tell her. In the end she will get scolding. I don't like to hear things that I don't like and I know is the fact. I can't face it without her.
Things get complicated when her tolerance reaches the maximum. Things couldn't work well since then. At that time, I started to plan on our future. Wedding, savings anything that will involve the two of us. The day strike me. I never expect this will happen to me.
"Never give others surprise as you will always get surprise by the person you are going to give surprise". I told her this long ago and I getting the words back to me. That day, I got a meeting and I went to buy a movie ticket. The meet up is to apologise to her on the argument we had earlier on. I end my meeting early, so i went to her house to give her surprise. The surprise really surprise her. She never expect me for giving her surprise and she intend to break up. Her plan was to breakup with me after the date. I enter the house noticing nothing wrong till I sat in front of her laptop. I find it weird that she didn't sit next to me. I go to her bed to lie down and she sat in front of her laptop. I am sure something is wrong, so i started conversation with her on her laptop. I told her I will download something for her. She say ok and went back to her bed with a book. I notice she was just flipping the page and I went to her. Stopping her from leaving my sight. She start tearing and tell me why. I insist of not breaking but I fail. Leaving her house with sadness after 2 hours. She sms me with "this will be the last time, dear good bye." I know this is bad but i replied "what so good about bye? bye!"
The mother came into the picture after the breakup. Let's not talk about her mother. We actually patch after 2 days. I know she is confuse. she is confuse of being between her mother and me. I told her to find out what she want, she say she choose me. 3 days after we patch, the mother meet me and told us to get our separate ways. The day we breakup, officially 8th January 2011. It's a peaceful breakup.
Things change much since then, I told her a lot of hurtful words but I don't meant what I say. 12th February 2011, I thought that I get over her already, I thought i can survive seeing her. I didn't expect that the first sight of her, bleed my heart. I actually plan not to go for the run at Safari Zoo, I just wanted to see how she is doing, how she is feeling. So i attend the run. Really didn't exect myself being so weak with my emotion. Feeling jealous of seeing her talking to other guys happily, closing up myself from her and other group of her friend. Cabbing home, I purposely wanted to be the last to alight, to see if we can talk, I couldn't start a conversation. Teardrop in the cab home. Cried under my void deck. Called my good friend to comfort me. Didn't expect she is doing better than i expected. Felt so jealous about everything.
Sms her to take care and all. Crying while doing that. She called the next day, we talk for awhile, asking her if there a chance for us to patch. She replied "I don't think so. No matter what, my mother is still there. So the problem will be there too". From that onwards, I decided to make myself disappear in front of her. Getting missing for awhile to heal. It will not be easy.
Told my mother she is not going to attend my sister wedding due to her exam. Telling my mother not to contact her for any of our event. She ask me why and why we broke up. Tears is at the edge of rolling. I haven't told her everything, my tear start rolling and i walk to the toilet to cry while bathing.
Felt so jealous, I really afraid to receive news saying that she have a new boyfriend. I thought of sending whatever she give me, back to her. Everything!!! Photo, shirt, letter, everything!! I know is childish but I think this is the best way for me.
The date started on 23rd November 2004 and ended on 8th January 2011. This is the first time I see her. The day of the brand new beginning for me. She look weird then, cute and adorable but with some unwanted acne on the face. It's her period of growing. We started with a "Hi" and back to go to work. I can still remember that I purposely stay until that late for her to come to work. Why do i stay? Because, the aunties and uncles told me there's a pretty lady working at night. So with the heart of curiosity, I stay after work to see her.
From then on, I started working night. Not because I fall in love with her, just think that I can make a new friend. The second time we met, was when she was asking me to bring the trolley back from the carpark. I finish the assignment and start talking to her. Asking her particular and some personal matter. I got this habit of asking personal matter to whoever I want to make friend with. To me, knowing the background of that person, is a better ways to counter their feelings and mind.
When times goes by, we exchange phone numbers and start chatting in the night. Understanding each other and getting to know each other better. Sooner or later, I asked her to be my god-sister. I have always wanted to have a younger sister. That's why I go away to ask people to be my god-sister who I can talk comfortly.
She actually fell in love with someone else when I start having feeling for her. It's a heartaching matter as I also helpped the guy in getting her heart. They are together not long after that. It's a short relationship. I am happy and sad and jealous. During the time they are together, I force myself to get distracted by trying to date someone else. She helped me too. In the end, mine doesn't not work well.
When they broke up, her god-brother and me comfort her for awhile. She cried everyday, my heart tearing with her too. After a few months, I told her the guarentee that I can give her. The laughter I can provide. She rejected me for the first time. The reason is, she still haven't get over the previous relationship.
The happiest day happened on 3rd March 2007. Start of the new relationship and all the memories I had with her. Going out together, first movie, first restaurant entered, first hand holding, first hug, first gift, first kiss, first anniversary and first teardrop from her. I don't have the movie ticket of our first date, don't have the first dinning receipt, dun have the first gift receipt but I got the tissue of her first teardrop with me. The rest of the item, I made them into a book and give it to her. The objective is to tell her I care and I will remember the time I spend with her. Others said that is a book of receipt, telling her how much I had spent on her but she felt happy on receiving the book which delighted me. Since then, I got all the confidence that everyone is complainning about.
Things goes as what I plan for her and me until the day, she told her family of my existence. The family haven't really give me any impact but I know, she is suffering from invisible force. I tried to change myself to a better person for the family to see but it's fail. Attitude starts coming out and all my bad habit showing out to her. I am really really grateful to her for tolerating my anger and giving in to me all the time.
I get distracted easily when she called. I get frustrated when she tried to talk things out to me. I get angry when she tried to control me. This is a form of love and yet I neglected it. Two years in army, people around me telling that girlfriend will leave as we can't spend much time on them. BUT she stood still and waited for me. I promise her that I will give her a call whenever there is time. I called her every night. Even though the call is short, I still get to talk to her.
Started smoking due to peer pressure. She bought chewing gums for smoker for me. Trying to stop me from smoking. I feel happy but at the same time, got angry of her for buying things for me. I couldn't express myself for appreciation.
Every time when she buy things for me, i scold her. I hate myself for scolding her. I told her not to buy things for me as I will scold her. She refuse to take my advice and continue to buy things for me. I really like the things she give me, I really love them. Just trying to show off my 'don't care side'.
Sometime she complain to me for not wearing our ring. The reason I told her is I don't like to wear accessories. The actual facts is army don't allow accessories. The ring had never leave my side unless I go bathing even now.
She likes to sing and take photo. I cannot sing in front of the mic. I do accompany her to go sing sometime. Most of the time I don't go, because I don't want to waste money. I don't like to take picture because I don't like myself in the photo. She secretly take my photo and show it to me. SWEET!!
When she going to start school, I afraid that she will met other guys there. She give me the word that she won't leave me. When I going to start school, she scare that I will fall in love with someone else. I told her I will get someone better to replace her. I love to see her get jealous over me. So I make her jealous all the time. Telling her the things that she don't want to hear but the hurtful words is not what I meant.
I got my own way of doing things. I don't like to share my problem. She will complain and ask me to tell her. In the end she will get scolding. I don't like to hear things that I don't like and I know is the fact. I can't face it without her.
Things get complicated when her tolerance reaches the maximum. Things couldn't work well since then. At that time, I started to plan on our future. Wedding, savings anything that will involve the two of us. The day strike me. I never expect this will happen to me.
"Never give others surprise as you will always get surprise by the person you are going to give surprise". I told her this long ago and I getting the words back to me. That day, I got a meeting and I went to buy a movie ticket. The meet up is to apologise to her on the argument we had earlier on. I end my meeting early, so i went to her house to give her surprise. The surprise really surprise her. She never expect me for giving her surprise and she intend to break up. Her plan was to breakup with me after the date. I enter the house noticing nothing wrong till I sat in front of her laptop. I find it weird that she didn't sit next to me. I go to her bed to lie down and she sat in front of her laptop. I am sure something is wrong, so i started conversation with her on her laptop. I told her I will download something for her. She say ok and went back to her bed with a book. I notice she was just flipping the page and I went to her. Stopping her from leaving my sight. She start tearing and tell me why. I insist of not breaking but I fail. Leaving her house with sadness after 2 hours. She sms me with "this will be the last time, dear good bye." I know this is bad but i replied "what so good about bye? bye!"
The mother came into the picture after the breakup. Let's not talk about her mother. We actually patch after 2 days. I know she is confuse. she is confuse of being between her mother and me. I told her to find out what she want, she say she choose me. 3 days after we patch, the mother meet me and told us to get our separate ways. The day we breakup, officially 8th January 2011. It's a peaceful breakup.
Things change much since then, I told her a lot of hurtful words but I don't meant what I say. 12th February 2011, I thought that I get over her already, I thought i can survive seeing her. I didn't expect that the first sight of her, bleed my heart. I actually plan not to go for the run at Safari Zoo, I just wanted to see how she is doing, how she is feeling. So i attend the run. Really didn't exect myself being so weak with my emotion. Feeling jealous of seeing her talking to other guys happily, closing up myself from her and other group of her friend. Cabbing home, I purposely wanted to be the last to alight, to see if we can talk, I couldn't start a conversation. Teardrop in the cab home. Cried under my void deck. Called my good friend to comfort me. Didn't expect she is doing better than i expected. Felt so jealous about everything.
Sms her to take care and all. Crying while doing that. She called the next day, we talk for awhile, asking her if there a chance for us to patch. She replied "I don't think so. No matter what, my mother is still there. So the problem will be there too". From that onwards, I decided to make myself disappear in front of her. Getting missing for awhile to heal. It will not be easy.
Told my mother she is not going to attend my sister wedding due to her exam. Telling my mother not to contact her for any of our event. She ask me why and why we broke up. Tears is at the edge of rolling. I haven't told her everything, my tear start rolling and i walk to the toilet to cry while bathing.
Felt so jealous, I really afraid to receive news saying that she have a new boyfriend. I thought of sending whatever she give me, back to her. Everything!!! Photo, shirt, letter, everything!! I know is childish but I think this is the best way for me.
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