Hi, I know it been awhile since I blog. To me, telling my things on the blog is to show off. Today will be the day i show my love story to whom who read this. This may be a new beginning or end of everything in my life.
The date started on 23rd November 2004 and ended on 8th January 2011. This is the first time I see her. The day of the brand new beginning for me. She look weird then, cute and adorable but with some unwanted acne on the face. It's her period of growing. We started with a "Hi" and back to go to work. I can still remember that I purposely stay until that late for her to come to work. Why do i stay? Because, the aunties and uncles told me there's a pretty lady working at night. So with the heart of curiosity, I stay after work to see her.
From then on, I started working night. Not because I fall in love with her, just think that I can make a new friend. The second time we met, was when she was asking me to bring the trolley back from the carpark. I finish the assignment and start talking to her. Asking her particular and some personal matter. I got this habit of asking personal matter to whoever I want to make friend with. To me, knowing the background of that person, is a better ways to counter their feelings and mind.
When times goes by, we exchange phone numbers and start chatting in the night. Understanding each other and getting to know each other better. Sooner or later, I asked her to be my god-sister. I have always wanted to have a younger sister. That's why I go away to ask people to be my god-sister who I can talk comfortly.
She actually fell in love with someone else when I start having feeling for her. It's a heartaching matter as I also helpped the guy in getting her heart. They are together not long after that. It's a short relationship. I am happy and sad and jealous. During the time they are together, I force myself to get distracted by trying to date someone else. She helped me too. In the end, mine doesn't not work well.
When they broke up, her god-brother and me comfort her for awhile. She cried everyday, my heart tearing with her too. After a few months, I told her the guarentee that I can give her. The laughter I can provide. She rejected me for the first time. The reason is, she still haven't get over the previous relationship.
The happiest day happened on 3rd March 2007. Start of the new relationship and all the memories I had with her. Going out together, first movie, first restaurant entered, first hand holding, first hug, first gift, first kiss, first anniversary and first teardrop from her. I don't have the movie ticket of our first date, don't have the first dinning receipt, dun have the first gift receipt but I got the tissue of her first teardrop with me. The rest of the item, I made them into a book and give it to her. The objective is to tell her I care and I will remember the time I spend with her. Others said that is a book of receipt, telling her how much I had spent on her but she felt happy on receiving the book which delighted me. Since then, I got all the confidence that everyone is complainning about.
Things goes as what I plan for her and me until the day, she told her family of my existence. The family haven't really give me any impact but I know, she is suffering from invisible force. I tried to change myself to a better person for the family to see but it's fail. Attitude starts coming out and all my bad habit showing out to her. I am really really grateful to her for tolerating my anger and giving in to me all the time.
I get distracted easily when she called. I get frustrated when she tried to talk things out to me. I get angry when she tried to control me. This is a form of love and yet I neglected it. Two years in army, people around me telling that girlfriend will leave as we can't spend much time on them. BUT she stood still and waited for me. I promise her that I will give her a call whenever there is time. I called her every night. Even though the call is short, I still get to talk to her.
Started smoking due to peer pressure. She bought chewing gums for smoker for me. Trying to stop me from smoking. I feel happy but at the same time, got angry of her for buying things for me. I couldn't express myself for appreciation.
Every time when she buy things for me, i scold her. I hate myself for scolding her. I told her not to buy things for me as I will scold her. She refuse to take my advice and continue to buy things for me. I really like the things she give me, I really love them. Just trying to show off my 'don't care side'.
Sometime she complain to me for not wearing our ring. The reason I told her is I don't like to wear accessories. The actual facts is army don't allow accessories. The ring had never leave my side unless I go bathing even now.
She likes to sing and take photo. I cannot sing in front of the mic. I do accompany her to go sing sometime. Most of the time I don't go, because I don't want to waste money. I don't like to take picture because I don't like myself in the photo. She secretly take my photo and show it to me. SWEET!!
When she going to start school, I afraid that she will met other guys there. She give me the word that she won't leave me. When I going to start school, she scare that I will fall in love with someone else. I told her I will get someone better to replace her. I love to see her get jealous over me. So I make her jealous all the time. Telling her the things that she don't want to hear but the hurtful words is not what I meant.
I got my own way of doing things. I don't like to share my problem. She will complain and ask me to tell her. In the end she will get scolding. I don't like to hear things that I don't like and I know is the fact. I can't face it without her.
Things get complicated when her tolerance reaches the maximum. Things couldn't work well since then. At that time, I started to plan on our future. Wedding, savings anything that will involve the two of us. The day strike me. I never expect this will happen to me.
"Never give others surprise as you will always get surprise by the person you are going to give surprise". I told her this long ago and I getting the words back to me. That day, I got a meeting and I went to buy a movie ticket. The meet up is to apologise to her on the argument we had earlier on. I end my meeting early, so i went to her house to give her surprise. The surprise really surprise her. She never expect me for giving her surprise and she intend to break up. Her plan was to breakup with me after the date. I enter the house noticing nothing wrong till I sat in front of her laptop. I find it weird that she didn't sit next to me. I go to her bed to lie down and she sat in front of her laptop. I am sure something is wrong, so i started conversation with her on her laptop. I told her I will download something for her. She say ok and went back to her bed with a book. I notice she was just flipping the page and I went to her. Stopping her from leaving my sight. She start tearing and tell me why. I insist of not breaking but I fail. Leaving her house with sadness after 2 hours. She sms me with "this will be the last time, dear good bye." I know this is bad but i replied "what so good about bye? bye!"
The mother came into the picture after the breakup. Let's not talk about her mother. We actually patch after 2 days. I know she is confuse. she is confuse of being between her mother and me. I told her to find out what she want, she say she choose me. 3 days after we patch, the mother meet me and told us to get our separate ways. The day we breakup, officially 8th January 2011. It's a peaceful breakup.
Things change much since then, I told her a lot of hurtful words but I don't meant what I say. 12th February 2011, I thought that I get over her already, I thought i can survive seeing her. I didn't expect that the first sight of her, bleed my heart. I actually plan not to go for the run at Safari Zoo, I just wanted to see how she is doing, how she is feeling. So i attend the run. Really didn't exect myself being so weak with my emotion. Feeling jealous of seeing her talking to other guys happily, closing up myself from her and other group of her friend. Cabbing home, I purposely wanted to be the last to alight, to see if we can talk, I couldn't start a conversation. Teardrop in the cab home. Cried under my void deck. Called my good friend to comfort me. Didn't expect she is doing better than i expected. Felt so jealous about everything.
Sms her to take care and all. Crying while doing that. She called the next day, we talk for awhile, asking her if there a chance for us to patch. She replied "I don't think so. No matter what, my mother is still there. So the problem will be there too". From that onwards, I decided to make myself disappear in front of her. Getting missing for awhile to heal. It will not be easy.
Told my mother she is not going to attend my sister wedding due to her exam. Telling my mother not to contact her for any of our event. She ask me why and why we broke up. Tears is at the edge of rolling. I haven't told her everything, my tear start rolling and i walk to the toilet to cry while bathing.
Felt so jealous, I really afraid to receive news saying that she have a new boyfriend. I thought of sending whatever she give me, back to her. Everything!!! Photo, shirt, letter, everything!! I know is childish but I think this is the best way for me.
